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"Take one three times a day after meals."

'During the heart-transplant, since it was your birthday, I went ahead and added two more inches, no charge.'

Prescriptions: "Jack of Clubs?"

"'CPD'...stuff and nonsense, the old ways are fine for me, now pass me a hammer. I need to put this patient out!"

'Like I said - It's non invasive surgery.'

"Mr. Wilson? I'm Dr. Bradshaw. Please come in."

"Trepanning for gold"

"Do you have a family history of this condition?"

Obstetrics.

"It might be time to put you on a stronger anti-inflammatory."

Sewing Machines in Surgery

"I'm going to prescribe medical marijuana and sour cream & onion tortilla chips."

"My Harvard Medical Guide says if a wisdom tooth is infected, you may need antibiotics and possibly have the tooth pulled by an oral surgeon."

'Gesundheit! You must have an uncommon cold.'

"Oh, here's the problem. He's got a doohickey on his thingamabob."

'He says he makes house calls, and he'll be over as soon as he gets his horse back from the blacksmith.'

"Well it's not so much an ITCH, more a slight irritation, what could it be?"

Be In Need of Transplant Organs?

"I told him 1 tranquilizer every 4 hours, not 4 tranquilizers every 1 hour."

'Hello Mr. Perkins! Megan the giant leech and I are going to draw some of your blood now!'

"His baldness was way out ofcontrol, so we had to put him into a medically induced comb-over."

Scarecrow Goalie

'Check it out - I used to be filled with rage and controlled by anger, but now - well, now I have a parrot.'

Captain Pointy No.54 - Bad head puncture

Hospital Sign: Admissions, Outpatient, Drive Thru.

Scary surgery

"Okay lets close up. Oooh wait...wishbone!"

'You know how some people are living on borrowed time? I think one of them borrowed it from you.'

"Remind me again, who's giving and who's receiving the heart valve?"

Acupuncture

'He can't stand the sight of blood.'

'Does your tooth still hurt?' - 'I dunno, the dentist kept it.'

'Doctor, Mr. Flynn says since his surgery, he's been thirsty all the time. Do you think you could have left a sponge in him?'