Quirky Measurement Lover Pillows

"Got him bang to rights. Trying to sell cocaine in pounds and ounces."

"It seemed like miles to me!"

'I know we're inchworms, but let's get into the spirit of this! Change is good!'

'I don't KNOW what I'm doing -- this is pure research!'

'You knew I was a mad scientist when you married me!'

"That's it - I've had it up to here with measurement devices."

"36% of our focus group suffered from the side effects, while 14% enjoyed them."

Air Footer

"I can never go metric. 'Al's 30.48 Centimeter Hot Dogs' just doesn't sound right."

'No, actually THIS invented me!'

Making isobar map with elastic bands.

"I like the metric system. My weight in kilograms is less than my weight in pounds."

Letter from Camp* (*with Footnotes)

For the War Inventions Board: The Shell-diverter for returning the enemy's fire.

"Don't complain. Remember, last week they had us on martinis."

Man patents device, combination of beer automat and urinal

'I believe one of the doctors here practices alternative medicine.'

Absurd flying machine

Schrodinger's earlier experiment...

'Right, I'll see the chap who thinks he's a fly next.'

Absurd multi-propulsion vehicle

'I regret to report that there's no global warming threat after all -- we just got Fahrenheit and Celsius mixed up.'

Portable Pedestrian Crossings

Testing the speed of light in a hand-held vacuum.

"Are you binge watching again?"

Absurd snow clearing machine

Archaeologist makes an Unusual Discovery

"When dealing with Americans, refer to the heat in Celsius. They hate that."

Joe Bob Edison, standing next to his greatest invention.

Product labeling: 'Genetically engineered'.

Delayed Action Bomb Machine

"My approach to psychiatry is that all these problems are caused by viruses."

Needle Toilet.

"The 3D printed duck has imprinted ducklings!"