Quirky Investment Strategist T-Shirts

"I just don't see how an index fund tied to batting averages in the National League actually works."

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

"I'm from brokers without borders. Invest in deserted island reits!"

'Tomorrow's special is fish, so wear the flounder suit.'

'This wasn't what I meant by viral marketing...but if you can get it to work.'

"Actually, I used them as collateral for a loan."

"Or we could raise your profile by coming out with that pimple on the end of your nose."

"As you can see, our corporate structure is turtles all the way down."

"My favorite tea: hot daffodil-infused chamomile with a hint of whiskey. Are you serious? Of course I'm serious! I've been dosing myself with small quantities of poisonous daffodil ever since 1931. You have to build up an immunity if you want to survive in the cutthroat world of Scrabble tournaments."

"Your stork analyst is here, sir."

"Why didn't we think of that?"

"Saturn. No contest. A deadly, treacherous gas giant ringed by a gossamer halo of ice. It symbolizes both death and life. Both evil and good. It symbolizes existence itself."

"Okay, it if makes you feel better...yes, I have stock in a banana company."

"And when conventional theories don't work, we've got Charnier here to do us a spot of voodoo marketing."

"I'd like these invested in an aggressive mutual fund."

"My mommy suggested I try a different advertising approach."

"The first thing we should do is get you two into a good mutual fund. Let me get out the 'Magic 8 Ball' and we'll fun some options."

'I suppose if we had some money we could buy sand from each other.'

The average taxpayer will ultimately embrace the auto industry bailout. Hell, we sold em all that useless undercoating for all these years!

"You should consider buying."

Banker stepping into 'New image' in 'Savings and Loans' office

The last of the Mom and Pop brokerage houses

'That's Renfrew -- he's in charge of high-risk portfolios.'

Locally Grown Stocks, Farm Fresh CDs, Free Range Annuities.

'I'm in for burglarizing a store, but I got a reduced sentence because I only stole sale items.'

Animal worries.

Investments: We have locally grown stocks.

"Don't put your money into stocks. Bury it!"

"The answer isn't more troops—what you need is an antibiotic."

'Finzter, our newest investment adviser, believes that money can make you happy.'

"I'm in advertising. . ."

'Consumer confidence is up.. in the 'Money in the mattress' sector.'

'...but the good new is your old Enron stock has become a high-priced collectible!'

Garage Sale: Assorted shares of stocks.

'You really have no idea what you're doing do you?'