Quirky Insurance Seekers Pillows

'Give me the non-smokers rate. I only smoke when I'm visiting you.'

'Frankly, our dental plan bites.'

"You'll be awake during the entire procedure. Your HMO won't cover the Anesthesia."

"And if all else fails, wave your arms frantically."

The Public Option

'You do have catastrophic insurance, but it only applies in case of invasion from outer space.'

Let's try something new, Al. I'll say a word, then you remain mercifully silent for the rest of the hour.

"What you have is very expensive to treat. Would you like me to diagnose you with something affordable?"

"Today we insure every American and end the need for private health insurance."

COVID tips from Wild Animals

'Our policy is quite plain. We don't pay out on claims we can't pronounce.'

'Boy! The cost of health care is going up, up, up...'

'I knew it! Important Exclusion 347, 'Plummeting Pachyderms'. . .'

"Most of our procedures are out of network."

Insurance company agreeing workers' compensation policy in a demolition company.

You're right, Mr. Fusco. Your health insurance does cover pre-existing conditions. So, honestly, how long have you been a wolverine?

'Yes we can cure you - but the bigger problem now is: can you afford it?'

"This is a third-year medical student. To cut costs, your insurance company dismissed the surgeon."

'Human beings get all the breaks -- just TRY to get Medicare to pay for a tree surgeon!'

"No matter how badly you have sinned, you don't have to worry about losing your coverage!"

Sacking a unprofitable patient

I tried insuring my house over the phone but they insisted on seeing it. It was on fire at the time...

Entomology Lab. I think the insect population declines we've been seeing in nature are a result of problems with their healthcare system. Podiatry and vision care are not covered services. Your plan will only pay for a one-night stay in the cocoon. The HMO says this is a workers comp issue. Insurance. Premiums are higher for ladybugs than for other bugs.

So, you'd like a battery of unnecessary tests that aren't covered by insurance .. Are you sure about this? Doctor-Assisted Financial Suicide.

'The good news is that I managed to install the wind turbine...'

"No I'm afraid your health insurance doesn't cover this."

'Human beings get all the breaks -- just TRY to get Medicare to pay for a tree surgeon!'

'You do have catastrophic insurance, but it only applies in case of invasion from outer space.'

'We deny most claims, but that's how we keep your premiums so low.'

'I need you to open wide, Peel.' - 'Ahhh.' - 'Not your mouth, fool! Your wallet.' - 'Arghhh!' - 'Wider!' - 'Argh!'

Misread medical policy.

"Why carry malpractice insurance if you don't malpractice once in a while?"

"Your guess is as good as mine, but yours isn't covered by insurance."

'How much is it doc?' 'Fif...fif...fif...seventy five dollars.'

"Your health insurance only kicks in when you can run 100m in under 10 seconds."