Quirky Insurance Seekers Prints

'Give me the non-smokers rate. I only smoke when I'm visiting you.'

'Frankly, our dental plan bites.'

"You'll be awake during the entire procedure. Your HMO won't cover the Anesthesia."

"And if all else fails, wave your arms frantically."

'You do have catastrophic insurance, but it only applies in case of invasion from outer space.'

"Today we insure every American and end the need for private health insurance."

COVID tips from Wild Animals

"What you have is very expensive to treat. Would you like me to diagnose you with something affordable?"

'Our policy is quite plain. We don't pay out on claims we can't pronounce.'

'Boy! The cost of health care is going up, up, up...'

'I knew it! Important Exclusion 347, 'Plummeting Pachyderms'. . .'

"Most of our procedures are out of network."

Insurance company agreeing workers' compensation policy in a demolition company.

'Human beings get all the breaks -- just TRY to get Medicare to pay for a tree surgeon!'

"No matter how badly you have sinned, you don't have to worry about losing your coverage!"

'Yes we can cure you - but the bigger problem now is: can you afford it?'

"This is a third-year medical student. To cut costs, your insurance company dismissed the surgeon."

Sacking a unprofitable patient

I tried insuring my house over the phone but they insisted on seeing it. It was on fire at the time...

'The good news is that I managed to install the wind turbine...'

"No I'm afraid your health insurance doesn't cover this."

'You do have catastrophic insurance, but it only applies in case of invasion from outer space.'

'Human beings get all the breaks -- just TRY to get Medicare to pay for a tree surgeon!'

'We deny most claims, but that's how we keep your premiums so low.'

Misread medical policy.

"Why carry malpractice insurance if you don't malpractice once in a while?"

'I need you to open wide, Peel.' - 'Ahhh.' - 'Not your mouth, fool! Your wallet.' - 'Arghhh!' - 'Wider!' - 'Argh!'

"Your guess is as good as mine, but yours isn't covered by insurance."

'Are you sure this isn't a pre-existing condition?'

FISHY Life Insurance Co.

'How much is it doc?' 'Fif...fif...fif...seventy five dollars.'