Quirky Home Tour Guide T-Shirts

"And, at the end of a busy day, this is where John comes to self-describe."

'I wonder if they have any water filters?'

Dog Hunting Trophies.

"Oh it's not haunted, it's just really old and nothing works."

"This is all we have available. It has an accordian front door, a shelf, a phone, and a spectacular view."

'It started out as just a little knot on the floor,'

' ... and this is the half bath.'

"Sold For sale Ellie Kopp 1-800-238-7463 Yaffle Realty Stop renting. Buy your boot from a boot."

'Okay, kids...time for your bath.'

Newfangled contraceptions phobia: 'David, David, we're sinking! Our water bed has sprung a leak!'

"Bootsy has welcomed the vacuum robot into our home in her own unique way."

"Oh that, that's my holiday home."

'I wasn't to know it's a live shell officer, we've been using it as a door-stop for years!'

'It's a coffee-book table.'

For sale sign: 'Unique 16th Century cottage. Similar properties wanted.'

'This place is rather unusually located. Do you folks like sunsets?'

'I told you I didn't want to talk about it!'

'We live in a designer trainer.'

Superintendent

Arctic Snails.

'Let's take out a second mortgage and add a pizza garage.'

Carpet salesman, "There's a bit of tyre damage, but not so anyone would notice."

"Yes, I appreciate that it's a converted fire station. But I still think I'd prefer stairs."

Coming Soon: Haunted Homes on 60-foot lots.

"The decorator was here. He said we should have a room in which we don't sit down."

"It's got everything: northern exposure, hardwood floors, central tree."

"So does George still enjoy his woodworking?"

Uses for Deactivated Missiles: Objects d'Art

"Are you willing to relocate?"

"No, this is the elephant."

'Oh, it's perfect, George! And it has termites, too!'

Stuffed animal head falls on man.

'It's no spelling mistake-the dining room is in the basement.'

'Justin, what did I say about storing your anteater there?'

"The one's an en suite and the other's a walk-in wardrobe."