Quirky Home Tour Guide T-Shirts

"And, at the end of a busy day, this is where John comes to self-describe."

'I wonder if they have any water filters?'

Dog Hunting Trophies.

"Oh it's not haunted, it's just really old and nothing works."

"This is all we have available. It has an accordian front door, a shelf, a phone, and a spectacular view."

'It started out as just a little knot on the floor,'

' ... and this is the half bath.'

"Bootsy has welcomed the vacuum robot into our home in her own unique way."

'Okay, kids...time for your bath.'

Newfangled contraceptions phobia: 'David, David, we're sinking! Our water bed has sprung a leak!'

"Sold For sale Ellie Kopp 1-800-238-7463 Yaffle Realty Stop renting. Buy your boot from a boot."

"Oh that, that's my holiday home."

'It's a coffee-book table.'

'I wasn't to know it's a live shell officer, we've been using it as a door-stop for years!'

For sale sign: 'Unique 16th Century cottage. Similar properties wanted.'

'I told you I didn't want to talk about it!'

'This place is rather unusually located. Do you folks like sunsets?'

Superintendent

'We live in a designer trainer.'

'Let's take out a second mortgage and add a pizza garage.'

Arctic Snails.

"The decorator was here. He said we should have a room in which we don't sit down."

"Yes, I appreciate that it's a converted fire station. But I still think I'd prefer stairs."

"It's got everything: northern exposure, hardwood floors, central tree."

Uses for Deactivated Missiles: Objects d'Art

Carpet salesman, "There's a bit of tyre damage, but not so anyone would notice."

"Are you willing to relocate?"

"So does George still enjoy his woodworking?"

Coming Soon: Haunted Homes on 60-foot lots.

"No, this is the elephant."

'Oh, it's perfect, George! And it has termites, too!'

"This house comes with smart windows. They automatically open when my husband takes his shoes off."

'Justin, what did I say about storing your anteater there?'

"Larry, did you water the plant?"

"Relax. I've come for your toaster."