Quirky House Enthusiast T-Shirts

'For sale'

Cake Free Zone

A hammer in his den enjoying a cigar and port with his collection of trophy thumbs above his head.

"I'd like to have my teeth scrimshawed without being, you know, harpooned."

His & hers towels.

Newfangled contraceptions phobia: 'David, David, we're sinking! Our water bed has sprung a leak!'

Rogue elephant

"I'll bet you're very proud of your handsome, well-behaved little sporks here."

Leonardo Da Vinci's Cat

For sale sign: 'Unique 16th Century cottage. Similar properties wanted.'

Snow globe

'Don't say it! You're going to ask me if I notice anything different in here.'

"There's nothing like new carpeting to freshen up a place, I say."

'We live in a designer trainer.'

Carnations.

Shoe house.

'Let's take out a second mortgage and add a pizza garage.'

Arrow Church

The Arcimboldo Arrangement

"Yes, I appreciate that it's a converted fire station. But I still think I'd prefer stairs."

"Butt cracker"

Carpet salesman, "There's a bit of tyre damage, but not so anyone would notice."

'Are there any new species more efficient than neons, such as compact fluorescents or LEDs?'

'Design brief.'

Spaceman with a vacuum cleaner in space

'Uh, nich tchotchkes, sir.'

Have you seen this toaster?

'Funny place to put an esculator.'

"When you said you lived in a fishbowl, I just assumed you never got out."

'I won't bother you, Mr. Gridley... I just wanted to see how it would feel to walk barefoot on your plush carpeting...'

PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE DECOR

'Pretty useful things, those fridge magnets.'

"Relax. I've come for your toaster."

Unfinished business.

'Pointless Pets: A ceramic tiled giraffe.'