Quirky Home Design Aficionado T-Shirts

'That's my loft ladder.'

'I wonder if they have any water filters?'

Dog Hunting Trophies.

Cake Free Zone

A hammer in his den enjoying a cigar and port with his collection of trophy thumbs above his head.

"I'd like to have my teeth scrimshawed without being, you know, harpooned."

Rogue elephant

Newfangled contraceptions phobia: 'David, David, we're sinking! Our water bed has sprung a leak!'

'Okay, kids...time for your bath.'

His & hers towels.

Leonardo Da Vinci's Cat

"Oh that, that's my holiday home."

'It's a coffee-book table.'

'I wasn't to know it's a live shell officer, we've been using it as a door-stop for years!'

Snow globe

Carnations.

'I told you I didn't want to talk about it!'

'Don't say it! You're going to ask me if I notice anything different in here.'

Superintendent

Shoe house.

Arctic Snails.

"The decorator was here. He said we should have a room in which we don't sit down."

The Arcimboldo Arrangement

Uses for Deactivated Missiles: Objects d'Art

"Are you willing to relocate?"

Carpet salesman, "There's a bit of tyre damage, but not so anyone would notice."

"Yes, I appreciate that it's a converted fire station. But I still think I'd prefer stairs."

"So does George still enjoy his woodworking?"

'Are there any new species more efficient than neons, such as compact fluorescents or LEDs?'

"Butt cracker"

Arrow Church

"No, this is the elephant."

"It won the award this year for aggravating the most architects."

'Justin, what did I say about storing your anteater there?'

'Pointless Pets: A ceramic tiled giraffe.'