Quirky Home Improvement Aficionado T-Shirts

"If you want to turn it off, you just pull this chain until you accidentally turn it back on."

Schubert's Unfinished Basement

'How do you like my new, deep plush carpet?'

'We've knocked out the interior walls to improve our home Wi-Fi coverage.'

Cake Free Zone

Hardware Store Tools Wrench

A DIY disaster.

'Will you be long, fixing this leak? I'll have to put my Bert's dinner on in ten minutes.'

Mulching Vacuum Cleaner

"Want to impress me with that hammer? Try using it to fix a few things around here."

"I'd like to have my teeth scrimshawed without being, you know, harpooned."

"The white flag means he gives up and will finally hire a professional to finish the renovation."

Your Home Remodel Team

"I'll bet you're very proud of your handsome, well-behaved little sporks here."

"It's a miracle I was able to build this desk all by myself. I'm not so handy."

Newfangled contraceptions phobia: 'David, David, we're sinking! Our water bed has sprung a leak!'

Bob’s Museum

'Have you got one of those things you use to knock nails in...?'

'I figure that if I sell just one, I can retire.'

Leonardo Da Vinci's Cat

Wallpapering with Nails

"When we remodeled, we decided to go with the granite countertop."

'Old mother hubbard -- your cupboard is now bare.'

"I thought you were out front telling the fence company how to do their job."

"They've got insulation to die for!"

"Can't we just get some load-bearing wallpaper?"

'Would it have killed you to go with a store-bought model?'

Snow globe

House Painter gets stuck to the ceiling.

'Don't say it! You're going to ask me if I notice anything different in here.'

"Buying the largest TV on the market was a good idea. Mounting it was not."

"Tell me, do you own a mallet with a rubber shaft?"

"I've fixed the shelf, darling."

"Larry does all his own stunts."

Translating Contractor to English