Home Improvement Aficionado T-Shirts

'I'll calk that hole as soon as the siege is over.'

Man must make unfinished furniture from tree limb.

'He can't make up his mind what colour he wants the ceiling.'

'Sure I can put in a wet bar, too.'

'We're not migrating this year. We winterized the place instead.'

Bed, Bath & The Beyond

Mr. Briggs finds that his newly painted gates have been drawn all over by rude boys.

'Joyce, remember those cheap bulbs you bought?'

'I knew they'd be up to something while we were out!'

'I think we should go back to welding classes and forget about interior decorating classes.'

Builders Merchants with swing doors.

'What the... a fat human in my cellar?! We really have to clean up here, Roy!

"Living in a city with functional infrastructure must be so boring."

'The plumber said he can't come right now, but promised to put us on his 'wading list'. Cute, huh?'

"I didn't spark joy."

Why it's bad when home owners change their minds about the bathroom's location late in a building project.

'How do you like my new, deep plush carpet?'

Schubert's Unfinished Basement

"I just love how wet you've made things in here."

'You've reached McWit Quality Construction. If your foundation has cracked, press 1, if your plumbing is leaking press 2, if your house is collapsing, press 3 ...'

'We've knocked out the interior walls to improve our home Wi-Fi coverage.'

A DIY disaster.

Hardware Store Tools Wrench

Mulching Vacuum Cleaner

'We want it painted the colour of money!'

'Will you be long, fixing this leak? I'll have to put my Bert's dinner on in ten minutes.'

"Hey, I just consider myself very fortunate to be getting paid for something I'd be doing anyway."

"Except for that wall socket, the whole damn thing is a trompe-l'oeil."

"I don't need a lecture Dad, I know all I need to know from the online tutorials of @DamKing61, @HotDam72 and @DamEasy27. . ."

"No monsters, but there's a tear in the carpeting and I see hardwood!"

"The white flag means he gives up and will finally hire a professional to finish the renovation."

Your Home Remodel Team

"It's a miracle I was able to build this desk all by myself. I'm not so handy."

Cutaway view of house undergoing renovation

'Mom! -- Jeffrey's pimping the wall!'