Home Improvement Enthusiast T-Shirts

"The current owners removed a number of walls and used soft, neutral tones to create a very spacious, open concept."

"How much we talking for a deck?"

"Just a little staging for the open house. Homes with a double garage sell faster."

Translating Contractor to English

"We''ll have to get that leaky roof sorted out"

"Can't we just get some load-bearing wallpaper?"

"They've got insulation to die for!"

"No, this is not the plumber. This is his chauffeur."

"Yes, mommy is happy you took a bath without me asking. I will be even happier if you turn the water off."

'Have you got one of those things you use to knock nails in...?'

DIY Shelves

'Yeah, looks like you've got soem non-standard plumbing here'

"My home insurance has dropped since I had it installed."

'In retrospect, maybe we should have gone for the smaller fireplace.'

"It's off-white, but a little too off. It may get very tiring. What do you think?"

'I couldn't fix your electric door bell, so I just replaced it.'

'Health on Wheels' checks the health of a house

Berlitz's Learn To Speak Adult

"The white flag means he gives up and will finally hire a professional to finish the renovation."

Building homes.

'I figure that if I sell just one, I can retire.'

'Need a reliable way of trying things together? Try super straps for only $19.95.'

Wouldn't it be simpler just to buy me a clothes dryer?

'The roofer said he will repair it if my check for the new roof clears the bank.'

"Just buy a new one. It's over 40 years old. That must be about 160 in toilet years."

"I removed the carpeting and lo and behold, hardwood!"

"It said on the tin 'put on 2 coats'..."

Your friend's shower

"I'd much prefer to hide inside walls with original moldings."

". . . I said, that new air-conditioner sure is powerful!"

Gone to my DIY class - get your own dinner.

'It'll flush fine now - once you get the knack of it.'

'How do you like the new solar-enhancing windows dear?'

'Oh yes, Leomard's a fixit-it man. Only problem is, who'll fix it after him?'

Mr Briggs's Pleasures of Housekeeping - No. VI