Quirky Guru Seeker T-Shirts

'The secret to life, my friend, is hoppiness!'

Hay Rides $10

'I'm told you've been born again, again and again. . . ?'

"And if all else fails, wave your arms frantically."

'Cock-a-doodle-doo!' 'Cut back on the chicken soup.'

"Well, you said you wanted something to remove spiders from the bath!"

'The problem is you're a perfectionist. You don't always have to be totally evil. Sometimes it's OK to just be annoying.'

Let's try something new, Al. I'll say a word, then you remain mercifully silent for the rest of the hour.

COVID tips from Wild Animals

"My great-uncle Octavio always wore his hat in the house. That way, if bad company knocked on the door, he could say he was just leaving."

"Things will get bad... then there will be an election... then things will get worse."

"I can't eat all that."

Pine Hill Hot Dog Water Springs

Movie with dinner: Now serving Texas Chainsaw Casserole.

"...and if your friends jumped off a cliff, would you jump off a cliff?"

'...Sure, I can tell you how to prevent getting old...You can lie about your age...You can smoke...And you can drive drunk...'

'I'll be in Florida for the winter, but I've sublet my cave to a pair of nice Mormon missionaries.'

Forget Your Worries at Velton Corners, Spa.

"You owe us more than your house is worth. One of our depositors will be moving in with you to help even things out."

'I know it's cold up here, but you can't attain enlightenment wearing a hat like THAT.'

'I'm screwed...'

SHRUNKEN ID STRIP#1Post modernism "so 90's"

The idea for tiny drink umbrellas is conceived.

'The bartender referred me to a shoe shine boy, and the shoe shine boy referred me to you.'

"I didn't spend seventeen days climbing this bloody mountain, in all weathers, for a lecture on personal hygiene!"

"Sorry - just getting back from a guru retreat."

"Vending machine is junk. For $1.00 I'll beat on it for you."

"A representative from headquarters to see you, sir."

They know me here. No words in my menu. Just pictograms. Al's menu. Menu.

Next Wise Man Please.

We've had a lot of power cuts lately, but but don't worry we have a back up system.

Air fresheners being pumped into the city's sewers.

Fortune Cookies

"Take him home, have sex...Then bite his goddamn head off."

"How about wearing heavier shoes?"