Quirky Guru Seeker Pillows

'The secret to life, my friend, is hoppiness!'

Hay Rides $10

'I'm told you've been born again, again and again. . . ?'

"And if all else fails, wave your arms frantically."

'Cock-a-doodle-doo!' 'Cut back on the chicken soup.'

"Well, you said you wanted something to remove spiders from the bath!"

'The problem is you're a perfectionist. You don't always have to be totally evil. Sometimes it's OK to just be annoying.'

"My great-uncle Octavio always wore his hat in the house. That way, if bad company knocked on the door, he could say he was just leaving."

COVID tips from Wild Animals

"Things will get bad... then there will be an election... then things will get worse."

"I can't eat all that."

Pine Hill Hot Dog Water Springs

Movie with dinner: Now serving Texas Chainsaw Casserole.

"...and if your friends jumped off a cliff, would you jump off a cliff?"

'...Sure, I can tell you how to prevent getting old...You can lie about your age...You can smoke...And you can drive drunk...'

'I'll be in Florida for the winter, but I've sublet my cave to a pair of nice Mormon missionaries.'

'I'm screwed...'

The idea for tiny drink umbrellas is conceived.

'I know it's cold up here, but you can't attain enlightenment wearing a hat like THAT.'

Forget Your Worries at Velton Corners, Spa.

SHRUNKEN ID STRIP#1Post modernism "so 90's"

"You owe us more than your house is worth. One of our depositors will be moving in with you to help even things out."

'The bartender referred me to a shoe shine boy, and the shoe shine boy referred me to you.'

"Vending machine is junk. For $1.00 I'll beat on it for you."

"Sorry - just getting back from a guru retreat."

"A representative from headquarters to see you, sir."

"I didn't spend seventeen days climbing this bloody mountain, in all weathers, for a lecture on personal hygiene!"

Next Wise Man Please.

We've had a lot of power cuts lately, but but don't worry we have a back up system.

Air fresheners being pumped into the city's sewers.

"Take him home, have sex...Then bite his goddamn head off."

Psychiatrist with phrenology chart, reads bumps on head.

Fortune Cookies

"How about wearing heavier shoes?"