Quirky Gift Appreciator T-Shirts

I suppose this probably counts as an adverse event.

"My barber was robbed the other day. He's still pretty shook up about it."

At home with the leeches: 'No, you can't have a Quorn tartlet - just drink your blood and be quiet!'

-"What has this got to do with communication?" -"It's my invention...the hand smiley."

Man says: 'It's got quite a nose ... I'm getting notes of nutmeg, a whiff of autumn harvest and rain-sodden undergrowth, and with a tart, elderberry finish. Not bad for a urine sample, eh Doc?'

"I'm the Ghost of Christmas Past, want some ten-year-old fruitcake?"

In the coroner's office: 'Jesus!...Have you farted?!'

"It's these new glasses dear! I thought it was you!"

Rent a Room With Hot Water

"...so you then developed an addiction to buying toilet rolls. Wasn't that rather expensive?"

"I have heated your beer in the microwave because you told me you like hot drinks!"

"One large with cheese, pepperoni and grass clippings."

'The Dockland Spirits came with the Jacuzzi.'

'Here you are sir, our super-de-luxe pizza with all the toppings!'

"It's alright,lady-cleaning 'em yesterday qualifies you for a freebie today!"

'Look at this! A ring!...'

"An old man uses a stick grabber to pick up a cigarette."

'The last thing I knew he was on a plane to an obedience school in Omaha!'

101 uses of a dead cat: breakfast in bed table.

'There's something disturbing about them playing with those plastic toy swatters.'

Viking with bike handlebars on helmet.

'Then came what Bobby had always wanted: a giant inflatable globe.'

'Here you go, kid! A worm.'

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"And as soon as he's on the mend,we'll get the physiotherapist in here with a ball of twine."

Lactose Intolerant

"All natural snow cones for sale."

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

God putting the finishing touches to the Pug.

No, no, this is Terry's ark, Noah's is three arks down.

Excess Baggage: Some people take getting away from it all very seriously.

A golden Big Boy holding a plate of poop

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

All bets are off as Round One begins in the "Dollars versus Donuts" World Championship title fight.