Quirky Gardening Philosopher Pillows

"This year I'm just planting the little signs."

Gardener clipping topiary stairs

"We really need more perennials? Aren't my weeds and crabgrass enough?"

"No! I want to live! I want to live!"

Man cutting hedge next to two heads impaled on sticks. Signs beneath say 'You missed a bit' and 'You can do mine next'.

'Ugh Look The whole garden is just one giant cat toilet'

Water Gardening: One thing is certain - you will find the peace and tranquility of water an almost irresistible attraction.

'The attendant is very good. I tip him the occasional sparrow.'

'Gosh, I dunno. You sure it's organic?'

'Dad, do you you think there's s**t on other planets?'

Man looks at huge dinosaur fossil in garden, saying: 'It looks great in the rockery, but don't you think you should call the Natural History Museum?'

The Phantom Of The Garden

'Ah, now's there's something different....'

'You certainly went to town growing all that lettuce so I've dressed for dinner.'

'I'm in the amusingly shaped vegetables department.'

"The pea's the first vegetable I've ever grown. Can you stuff and mount it for me please?"

'She loves me, she loves me not, she loves me...'

The Last Days of a Hydrangea

Planting Bird Seed.

Man watering with the 'Theory of Natural selection'.

It MUST be Valentines Day!

'When they start calling you a splendid bird, you know you're in trouble.'

Mowing the Bottle-Garden

Man is injured transporting cacti.

City Zoo: 'Try our exotic composts in your garden.'

Stop and Smell the Roses

"Gnomeschooling is harder than I thought!"

"I swear, we spend more time decided which squirrel to bark at than we do actually barking at it."

'Everybody's entitled to have a hobby. Mine's growing grass.'

'A little madness in the Spring is wholesome even for the King' -Emily Dickinson.

Poultry Reading: 'Lo, Ye Sky, It Falls! Verily it does, watch ye out!'

'You've never forgotten that Elsie Turner, have you George!'

'What on earth made you think of growing water melons in the bath Henry?'

'I'm letting it lie fallow this year.'