Quirky Garden Experimenter Pillows

Mowing the Bottle-Garden

Gardener clipping topiary stairs

"No! I want to live! I want to live!"

Planting seeds in garden - broad beans and jelly beans.

'Ugh Look The whole garden is just one giant cat toilet'

Man cutting hedge next to two heads impaled on sticks. Signs beneath say 'You missed a bit' and 'You can do mine next'.

'The attendant is very good. I tip him the occasional sparrow.'

Water the hydrangeas twice a week and trim as needed. The bromeliad only needs to be high-fived on Saturday, but you can give it high and low fives anytime you have a spare moment. Just, whatever you do, don't give it a "too slow" or it will turn inward and begin shutting down.

Bonsai tree held up by matchstick

'Gosh, I dunno. You sure it's organic?'

"I don't know the Latin, but the common name is climbing onion."

Man looks at huge dinosaur fossil in garden, saying: 'It looks great in the rockery, but don't you think you should call the Natural History Museum?'

The Phantom Of The Garden

'I'm in the amusingly shaped vegetables department.'

'Ah, now's there's something different....'

"The pea's the first vegetable I've ever grown. Can you stuff and mount it for me please?"

'Remove the fur and claws and these genetically engineered apples taste just fine.'

'And if you squeeze snapdragons just like this, it sort of looks like they're biting something.'

Planting Bird Seed.

Industrial Beautification van

City Zoo: 'Try our exotic composts in your garden.'

Man gets round hosepipe ban by showering in the garden

The beautiful but deadly 'Venus dog trap'.

"Gnomeschooling is harder than I thought!"

"I stopped singing to my plants! I've never had one say 'shaddup!' before!"

'You've never forgotten that Elsie Turner, have you George!'

'What on earth made you think of growing water melons in the bath Henry?'

'Every summer, dandelions can't wait to go topless!'

Bonsai farms: 'We started growing normal trees, but it didn't work out!'

Clown watering his flowers.

"The cat was there."

'Well Miss Pearson, this flood resistant GM Maize you've developed is pure genius. Giving it gills was a masterstroke'

"911?... Guinness Book of World Records?... 911?

'I tried to tell him I didn't think it was a tomato.'

Football fan