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As his lemming friends plummeted off the edge, Bobby discovered he had vertigo.

'No swimming. No breathing.'

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

"I've put on a few ounces, but it's mostly paperweight."

The Age of Reptiles. . .

'Colin's dying to show you how his renewable energy scheme works.'

Blind man walking a tortoise.

'It's a farton, fartoff lamp!'

Dr. Frankenstein creates his newest monster, Frankenmime.

Oh yeh? Well at least he doesn't get fleas.

Little girl hoses down walkway as Santa slips and falls

'Tell your mom you coughed it up and you're guaranteed a day off from school.'

'Yes, it's just a little volume.'

"Static cling."

Good Dentist ~ Bad Dentist

Wind turbine and leaf blower.

'Is your cabbage diet working darling?'

"Teenagers! Everyone try to look cool!"

Never give a cow a giant straw.

'You should work for Conglomo. You're allowed the vegetable of your choice.'

'Hey, mac, is this your idea of glasnost?'

'I mean, what sort of thief only takes a dog bowl?'

"And when the extended warranty kicks in, we send you a big can of new car smell."

'There's a little bit of my late husband in every glass - I used his ashes as a fining agent.'

Shaman reads magazine entitled 'Witch Doctor'.

Good stripper cop / Bad stripper cop

Joke Shop product - Not Funny After 10 Sept 87

"Because it's got a goddam crack in it, that's why."

Egypt 1896. Dr Howard Prendergast and Percy Smythe discover the tomb of King Ahktuman the Practical Joker, proving conclusively that the ancient Egyptians were the first culture to use whoopee cushion.

Undertaker with 'light', 'done', and 'RIP' settings on his toaster.