Quirky Family Dynamics Enthusiast Gifts

"I told you not to have that boob job."

I like the Jets...I guess

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

"Whoa. Someone needs their diaper changed."

"Mom, please! I'm a married woman whose friends have been reviewed favourably by the New York Times."

"Mum, Dad, I think I might be bipedal."

Lady asking her fiance's son if she can be his new mother.

"I'm an oldest child trapped in the body of a middle child."

'Hi, I'm Bob and I'll be your waiter ... and this is my wife, Susan, and her two children from a former marriage, Jimmy and Cindy.'

'It's funny really - when your father's home he hardly ever says a word!'

"Some day you'll look back at this and remember me as the person who taught you to fear water."

'I'm very confused. I never had a father. I was raised by two mummies.'

"She bathes him. She feeds him. She burps him. Mother's a real micromanager."

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk - it's hard to believe we're related.'

"Ours will be the first mixed marriage in my family. Dog people NEVER marry cat people."

"All I ask is a chance to ruin my life in my own way."

"We tried to play nicely, but frankly it's not as much fun as tormenting each other."

"Do let me know if I'm getting in the way, won't you?"

"I'm afraid these grades aren't giving me a very satisfying vicarious life."

"We're looking forward to this little bundle of joy bringing out the worst in each of us."

Brilliance runs in my family, but in a zig-zag pattern.

Black and white penguins with gray and black and white child.

"Oh, you silly girl, you! Don't tell me you brought home another husband."

'Who says women don't like chase scenes?'

"It's easy to understand the theory of evolution when you have a brother!"

"Mom, are you going to properly vet the baby before you bring her home from the hospital?"

'I didn't hear you calling. I can't listen to everybody who yells at me.'

"Act your birth order!"

'Life if so much simpler since we called Family Ref.'

'I used to think it was her red dress, but I've discovered I find your mother irritating in any color.'

'I try to run my family like a democracy, but what I really need is a line-item veto.'

Mom's Diner - Thanks for not talking about your father.

'Grandparents! This time last year I wasn't good enough to marry your daughter, but now I've fathered the brightest child in the universe!'

"Seventy-seven. How about yours."

"Oh, come on! I've told you, I'm not your 'imaginary friend.' I'm your father."