Quirky Eulogist T-Shirts

Archimedes statue with a lever

Pigeon Little

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

'If, as you say, they're so evolved, why do they need to wear clothes to survive?'

Reverse psychology

Adam and Eve toast next to a serpent bartender.

"I'm sorry, but you didn't recognize me as the Messiah when I had braces and glasses."

"Let's see now: All dogs have four legs. I have four legs. Therefore, I am a dog."

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: The Pied Piper

Pun on Excalibur - Swiss Army knife appears from the lake.

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

Expressions of mystery.

The game comes first...

"... No, when I say, 'you must let go of the past' I mean you must return that vase to the museum you took it from."

'Well, you heard wrong -- Zen Buddhism doesn't have a Missouri Synod.'

"R.V. Lintel- Inventor of Polyroc

A caveman attempting to make a cart

'Don't Move!' - 'Why would I want to move? Lived here for 51 years, know all the neighbours, shops nearby, post office is closed but...'

"It Works For Us."

"Now they're saying 80 is the new 70. So, when's the new dead?"

The existentialist manifesto according to Jean-Paul Sinatra-'oooby Dooby Doo!'

"Is it always so cloudy?"

"The gods aren't angry, Tara. They're just hurt and disappointed."

"My book is actually about 12th century Etruscan pottery but I thought it might sell better if I aimed it at the children's market."

Scottish Independence: The Union Jock.

Yeah, I'm standing here alone yelling a bunch of nonsense. If I had a cell phone, you wouldn't bother me!

'Did you ever wonder why iced coffee is goof but cold coffee isn't? . . . You're not curious like I am.'

'I like it.'

"It's chic to be vulnerable."

'A shocking report shows more marriages are ending in divorce than decapitation. Could this be the end of traditional marriage, as we know it? More on that. . .after the break!'

"You're not supposed to answer her when she talks to us."