Quirky Barfly Gifts

101 uses of a dead cat: cigarette dispenser

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

"Why am I always the designated driver?!"

"I just realized you're my entire entourage."

"I think I speak for my entire generation when I say, 'Yes, I will have another drink.' "

"Remember, if I'm ever on life support unplug me... then plug me back in. See if that works."

"An everything Martini, please."

'Your husband? He's just leaving...'

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

"Stranger, you're sitting in the boss's personal spot. That's why they moved the dart board over your head."

Pretty girls listen patiently. They know you'll soon get tongue-tied and won't be able to talk anymore.

'You shouldn't knock them back so quickly.'

'Crushing empty beer cans is for wimps.'

"How about we settle your tab from the regular season?"

"... And to this day, she still blames the dog!"

'I'm not drinking with you anymore after what you did to me this morning. . .'

Andy Oxidant meets Free Radical.

Adam and Eve toast next to a serpent bartender.

"I forget to drink."

Fleeting illusions of happiness hour 5-7

"This cheap can of domestic beer has a bouquet reminiscent of...beer."

"He was into feet, but, unforunately, not duck feet."

'No Fred, this one is one me!'

'Joe has been partying hard!'

"You seem dangerous. I like that."

"I got tired of wearing a hat."

'I'm 3 years old - that's 21 dog years - so start pouring!'

"If it's my pride, I'm not here"

Beer $.50. I've had lot of psychological therapy, but none of it seems to help. Maybe you

"I don't suppose you get many sovereign rulers in here anymore?"

"Catnip for everyone."

'Fried chickens.'

Those Senior Moments: 'Tell me something - do I come here often?'

'Your switching to Scotch? And after I've given you the best beers of my life!'