Quippy Pencil Buyer Pillows

Home Business - Safe.

"No Timmy, I don't think your pencil has system requirments or upgrades you can download from the internet."

"I want some long, thin square ones - for chips..."

"Sorry sir - the self-propelling pencils have all just walked out..."

"Wait a sec, I have a coupon around here somewhere."

"So, do you want balls that only go up, or ones that only go down?"

Unfinished Funiture Store.

Supermarket - World Cup Specials

'I'm not taking that money to buy drugs. I'm taking it to pay bribes if I'm caught with my drugs.'

Hamlet in the craft shop.

Unusual Offers

"I need a special pencil for math...one with a lot less wood and a lot more eraser."

"My dad says this pencil was once used by William Shakespeare." "Is it 2B or not 2B?"

"Okay, lets see what we have here."

Shampoo and Salad Dressing.

Cello player with pencil instead of bow

'My dentist recommended it.'

The contract was not worth the paper it was written on, which considering the paper was not a good sign.

'Triple-headed razors?... Aisle seven.'

Armstrong, the new Ybox game console comes out next week. I've got to get in line at Computer Villa. Nope. You are callous and inhumane. Fortunately, I have a backup plan. Computer Villa sale! If anyone cuts, chew their nose off.

'Please enter your pin now.'

'In conclusion; our major contract expires tomorrow, we have no idea what we want, and no knowledge of the market, It is time to pass this across to the Procurement Team...'

Jumble Sale

Pencil sharpeners in hell

'Yes, the wood on this pencil is from a renewable source.'

"Does it come with magnets?"

Every Friday lunchtime procurement managers would gather to boast of the size of bid documents they had received that week.

Karen was delighted that both her large and small suppliers had turned up for her industry day

'Gee, these are great, are they dishwasher proof?'

Hopeless Romantic - "I wandered lonely as a hat..."

'Can we move the beef jerky a smidge and display our organic cleanser?'

"Getting a little thin on top and dull below, eh Pop?"

The refinancing didn't come through -- I say we just walk away from the project.

'Before computers and word processors, we were nerds with slide rules and very sharp pencils!'

"I'm not buying it."