Quick Wits Gifts

"Don't you just hate restaurants that make you feel rushed?"

It would be a painful forty five minutes before Arthur finally admitted he left his presentation at home.

'I made a good grade in creative writing, but I didn't do very well in creative spelling.'

"I have to rest. The 'check engine' light on my activity tracker just came on."

'I'm a bit pressed for time. Give me your one-minute elevator pitch.'

"Wordle in two! You hear me? Two!!"

'Your honor, if I may digress for a moment, who does your hair?'

'This is Martins, the office I was telling you about. She's got a real knack for texting people down from window ledges!'

"Can you hurry up with that will? I don't have all day."

"Baseball is way too boring - so, we're doing one inning, winner takes all, everybody go home early and live their lives."

"It says here you can think on your feet. What happens when you sit down?"

'That's nothing...I've been told my wig takes fifteen years off me.'

'I just evolved the opposable thumb, and I've already got carpal-tunnel syndrome!'

Man using an entrance canopy as an umbrella

Bill Johnson 1914-2000: Server Timed Out.

Mildred takes a shortcut to the shops. . .

'Please sir - all of them!'

Working with Hahnium, which has a half-life of 35 seconds.

"I have half an hour if you want someone to get sucked into your drama."

"On the contrary, Hank, I believe that in some cases, slapping a band-aid on a problem is a VERY effective solution!"

Surgeon asking patient, 'Would you like this to go?'

'Quick, Bensonhurst-Shaw, I need a bon mot for today's meeting.'

"...Yes, I do. But, I also believe in hate at first sight."

Think fast!

Paramedic running after dropped stretcher.

'Still no boyfriend, Enda couldn't shake off her man eating image'

A Cartoonist's Pen

"I hope your heating bill is deductable!"