Quick Chat Fan Pillows

'Do as I did - Learn to drink quicker.'

"Ironically, this is the living room."

"Global warming is a great icebreaker."

Next time, a larger tip for the server and less free tax advice.

'Humans seem to be so weight-conscious: My rider weighs himself before each race...'

"It was the most relaxing massage I've ever had."

"The days of 'herding cats' are over: my friends and I meet through video-conferencing now..."

-"What has this got to do with communication?" -"It's my invention...the hand smiley."

You're right, boss, there may be too much idle chit-chat, but let me talk it over with my friends.

"What kind of tomorrow is it? — I don't know, when I wake up, it's already today."

'Hey Joe!...Me? Oh,nothing much,just out walking the fish.And you?...'

"I wish you'd stop obsessively checking your feed!"

"Bob, it's about your branding."

"Okay, now this time just start chasing the squirrel instead of asking it to dance."

"Well, Clive, what I REALLY want to do it wait on tables."

"Siri, am I ready to take a look at the dessert menu?"

"Wait … where’s Chicken Little? And who is ‘Kim Jong Un’?"

"You know that tune you sang yesterday morning? It was stuck in my head the whole day long..."

"Do you think it's an accident of history that Freemasons live in houses and we live in trees?"

God Save the Queen - Standing Room Only

'Thank you for calling. We value your call...at 95 pence per mintute.'

'I've got to go - we're having the zebras for dinner.'

'Are you accusing my dog of identity theft?'

"If I use twitter to communicate, does that make me a twit?"

"And after the break, I'd like to show everyone a clip from my latest film."

"What took so long? I wanted to be thorough, so instead of singing Happy Birthday while washing my hands, I sang Bohemian Rhapsody."

'Good evening! The debate continues over the idea of horse whisperers...'

I'm feeling a bit sluggish to tell you the truth!

Today on Oprah: Couples who are Not Having Extra-Marital Affairs

"I've got this phobia about paying bills...."

'I'm an Earth sign and Clive is a Water sign. Together we make mud.'

'What's up with the milk?'