Quick Banter Enthusiast Prints

Two men jogging past one another trying to get as many words in as possible.

Smart Ass - Wise Ass

'Think how all that chatting is affecting global warming.'

'What worried me most is identity theft.'

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

Two Men Discuss Ministers.

Pretty girls listen patiently. They know you'll soon get tongue-tied and won't be able to talk anymore.

"Good evening several times and welcome to QI. As usual I'll be asking a series of quite interesting questions and some comedians will be doing a lot of knob and fart gags. It's a winning formula!" "Don't knock it. No one likes knockers!" "Speak for yourself!" "Was that an entendre? I'll have a double." "Mine's a large one!"

'No need for pump action, Al - it's the wife.'

"He looks like you, and he isn't even born yet."

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

"Events seem to be headed in the right direction. Unfortunately, it's not taking me with it."

"My client greatly regrets the incident with the carving knife. However, in her defense, 14 people were coming for Thanksgiving and her husband, who had just one job to do, bought only 8 rolls."

"Meanwhile in Dogtown... Put your tongue back in your mouth. And pull up your pants. That’s not what your mom said last night."

"My wife and I handle our own finances. I'm an accountant and she's a grief counselor."

How to Do Small Talk??!!

'Talking of of big tops have you seen the new barmaid at the Green Dragon?'

"I just saw some confused old goat pee all over the bathroom floor." "That was a mirror. And that wasn't the bathroom."

'You've got us backward. I'm Vinnie, and my short and subtle brother is Vignette.'

"I never make the same mistake twice. I make it 5-6 times, just to be sure."

"But I haven't finished explaining about dollar-cost-averaging." "Sorry, I didn't register for this course."

"I'm sorry, Doctor, when you said benign growth, I thought you were referring to my husband."

I conduct comprehensive surveys - I ask my girlfriend.

The Art of Bantering!

"Hey Eric. Do you think they're silicone implants?"

"I work from home because I can’t stand the sight of idiots." "Is that why you got rid of all our mirrors?"

You look lovely tonight. It's a good think the coat-check girl let me check my thought balloons. !!

"Have you heard of Murphy's Law 2.0? It's anything that could possibly go wrong often does...as well as a thing or two that couldn't possibly go wrong."

Develop Your Social Skills: Asking Questions is a Great Way to Keep a Conversation Going.

"Remember - you have sharp teeth and claws, but he has sarcasm."

A lesson in wit

"What do you mean, I hardly moved all night? I was constantly dancing around politics, religion and the weather."

Bring it on, Scrabble nerd! Want to tell him directly? What do you mean? There's a chat function so you can taunt other online Scrabble players. Just type in your insult and hit send. Have I died and gone to heaven? The internet. And I suspect it' met its match.

'Have I told you how absolutely lovely you look today?'

'Sorry, I only drink still wines. I don't have the patience to wait for bubbles to pop.'