Qualification Quoter Pillows

"Sorry, but you're overqualified."

"What's this for poorer stuff?"

'I'm not taking that money to buy drugs. I'm taking it to pay bribes if I'm caught with my drugs.'

"I have good news and bad news about your cat, Dr Schrodinger..."

"Would you like something you're under qualified for, or something you're overqualified for?"

Plant Parenthood...

'I think I'm decisive. Can I get back to you on that?'

'No, but thanks for asking.'

A Reasonable Time for Concern

'It says here you can talk trash in five languages.'

"I'll have the 'All you can eat from the menu, the kitchen, and the dumpster' special."

"You've got termites."

'I got one this small.'

"These fish quotas are getting ridiculous."

"I'm sorry, but you're under-overqualified and over-underqualified."

"Monogamy? In this economy?"

"You're not giving me the job because I'm 'over qualified'? Oh, don't worry, most of those qualifications have been falsified."

'This is Liam, Dad, one of the few people with a degree in both tree hugging and extreme cartwheeling.'

The refinancing didn't come through -- I say we just walk away from the project.

'It says 'three percent split infititives, 8 percent passive verbs, 16 percent compound-complex sentences,average sentence length 26 words,paperback rights $3.2 million,movie sales $8.3 million,total take $11.5 million,less 5 percent agents fees.'

I want you to work on something when you get home, minion. I'm supposed to be able to rest once I've gone home. I've always wanted to have a trademark one-liner, like the heroes of all those old action movies. Like in Cobra. Sylvester Stallone was a rogue cop who told a criminal "You're the disease, and I'm the cure." Or like in Total Recall, when Arnold Schwarzenegger's wife turned out to be an evil killer. He eliminated her and then said "Consider that a divorce." Or like in They Live, when ju

Newly Qualified Teacher.

Qualifications

'I didn't say I majored in business administration - I said I took business administration.'

'I'm not sure that mentioning your diploma in 'Monkey Business' really helps your resume...'

'Center for rat race studies'

'Why don't you get Tommy to help you carry that?' 'He's inside there carrying the clothes.'

"I didn't get the job. They said I was over-qualified."

'Being able to 'Raise the Dead' is all very well but I'm afraid it's not much use without the appropriate qualifications.'

'Every second, billions of neutrinos pass through our bodies...of course they'll take longer to pass through yours, dear.'

"I see you have a N.V.Q and a M.B.A."

'I exaggerated on my resume and I was still underqualified.'

"Let's get married in the morning...then if it doesn't work out, we haven't blown the entire day."

"Just say what you have to say, Harwell, and get out."

Waiter holding a smartphone: 'Would you like it Instagrammed?'