Putting Padawan Pillows

'So, you're new at the game.'

Cat Towels

Golfer to other: 'I've never seen anyone slice a putt before.'

'You're not confident at the water hole are you?'

"The goal is to hate yourself."

Do you want to win the game or my business?

'There! See that? Brad just happens to morph into some kind of hideous amphibian just as he's about to putt? Now tell me she's not cheating!'

'Lost your ball again?' - 'No, I've got my ball. I've lost my club.'

'Aren't you glad we brought our putters, too?'

Golf lessons

'Not that slowly back...'

' I hit two good balls today - when I stepped on that rake.'

'I'm finding the greens a bit slow.'

'No,silly-I asked for a sand WEDGE!'

For sale - Used only Once.

"This is great. I've been playing miniature golf so often I almost forgot what regular-sized golf is like."

'Yes, Mr. Osborne, this is an intervention. Your family had no other choice. Golf is an illness...'

'Your direction is good! Now try for distance.'

'Don't ask me, I've never got one in a hole either.'

'Do I take it that you will not be requiring my services on the back nine?'

Putt-putt. Drive-Drive. (Two minature golf courses. Golfer at first hits putt. Golfer at second is hit in head by golfball that has been hit as a drive.)

'On to the office again?' - 'No, my pro.'

' I see Brad's playing his new video game again.'

Tee for Two!

There are more things to life than golf--but I ignore them.

'You had a 9 on one, a 7 on two, a 10 on three, a 23 on four...that hurt...'

'This has to be the longest course I've ever played!' (Sign with Gas/Food/Lodging Next Tee)

Warren knew the importance of getting down as low as possible to sight his putts.

'You're away, Doc!'

'Whenever Ralph finds a golf ball he puts it in the basement.'

'Well done, Evan; you only missed a hole-in-one by 7 strokes.'

'Oh no. How are you going to get it out of that little hole?'

'On this hole you don't drive, just putt.'

At the golf detox clinic.

'Dinnertime!', 'Not now, Mom -- the fate of the Galaxy is in my hands!'