Putting Padawan Pillows

'So, you're new at the game.'

"The goal is to hate yourself."

'You're not confident at the water hole are you?'

Golfer to other: 'I've never seen anyone slice a putt before.'

Do you want to win the game or my business?

'There! See that? Brad just happens to morph into some kind of hideous amphibian just as he's about to putt? Now tell me she's not cheating!'

'Lost your ball again?' - 'No, I've got my ball. I've lost my club.'

'Aren't you glad we brought our putters, too?'

Golf lessons

'Not that slowly back...'

'I'm finding the greens a bit slow.'

' I hit two good balls today - when I stepped on that rake.'

'No,silly-I asked for a sand WEDGE!'

For sale - Used only Once.

"This is great. I've been playing miniature golf so often I almost forgot what regular-sized golf is like."

'Yes, Mr. Osborne, this is an intervention. Your family had no other choice. Golf is an illness...'

'Don't ask me, I've never got one in a hole either.'

'Your direction is good! Now try for distance.'

Tee for Two!

'Do I take it that you will not be requiring my services on the back nine?'

'On to the office again?' - 'No, my pro.'

' I see Brad's playing his new video game again.'

'You had a 9 on one, a 7 on two, a 10 on three, a 23 on four...that hurt...'

There are more things to life than golf--but I ignore them.

'This has to be the longest course I've ever played!' (Sign with Gas/Food/Lodging Next Tee)

'You're away, Doc!'

'Well done, Evan; you only missed a hole-in-one by 7 strokes.'

'On this hole you don't drive, just putt.'

'Whenever Ralph finds a golf ball he puts it in the basement.'

'Oh no. How are you going to get it out of that little hole?'

At the golf detox clinic.

Another entry from the encyclopedia of gaming: Pixel sprain - any physical injury incurred from intense video game play.