Purrfect Comedy Lovers Pillows

"Oh, my family used to be rich alright: my grandfather was not referred to as a "house cat", but as a "grand manor cat"..."

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

Life is for the birds.

"Maybe the next one will be a singles cruise."

"They're wearing cameras. How humiliating."

'Wow, the field really is a frozen tundra!'

'Santa recalled thousands of toys ― he delivered them to kids who're in fact naughty.'

Naturally, Bob thought the midwife was for him.

Lesser known greek gods,

"I know we just met, but all I got is a twenty-four-hour pass!"

"Well, I had 'the talk' with him.

Christmas in the Fish Bowl

'Congratulations! You've just downloaded a baby boy.'

'What's the big deal about acid rain? Can't we just make alkaline rain to counteract it?'

Too much togetherness can lead to unexpected problems.

'Well,he certainly has his father's nose!'

"Move ten paces, turn, then fire. Ready?" "Dibs on the hat."

Same Day Delivery: "I wish!"

Collies Without Borders

Romeo & Juliet & Ron

Is this your idea of a joke, Findlay...?

"As some of you may have guessed I got yesterday's sunburn factor wrong!"

'I'd like my £2.50 back'

"My dang neck is killin' me again." "That's because you left your dang hanger in your coat. Again."

"I have to rest. The 'check engine' light on my activity tracker just came on."

How Amazon was invented

"At some point, there's only so high you can raise the volume before you admit you're never gonna understand what British detectives are saying."

A Golden Non-Retriever

"Well what does the GPS say?"

'This is a fine time to leave! What if the doctor delivers the baby while you're out!'