Puppy Playtime Planner Mugs

'Outside, they let me off the leash only to fetch the paper. It's sort of a work-release program.'

"Okay, the first rule of rolling in s***e club is no one talks about rolling in s***e club."

Things to do: 1. Sit 2. Stay 3. Sit 4. Stay

Tiny dog catches frisbee that spins him around in circles.

Dogs

"He's got no idea how to run a Husky team."

"Hello? Is that the canine help line?...."

'This is way better than a litter box.'

"If you have any gossip, tell me now - she could come back ay second."

'Max and I have a give and take relationship. He sniffs my butt...and I let him.'

"Thank goodness for pet doors because the alarm on my piddle clock was about to ring on the rug."

"Then he suggested we go to a leash optional beach."

'I had no idea there were so many types of dog treats.'

"If you don't make up your mind who's taking me out, I'll do it right here."

Dog enjoying a sniffathon.

What did I tell you two about somersaults?

"And your baskets include dead crickets, old socks, mice guts and toilet water."

'I want a dog who will fetch my things, so don't sell me one that drools.'

'...and notice how they like playing with string.'

Doggy Bites

Babies

Australian baby with toys hanging from his hat rather than corks

"Great - Now what would be the second thing you'd do if you had opposable thumbs?"

A Family Out For A Walk In The Country.

Dog Park. Ernie, let me help you navigate the dog park safely. Thanks. Never ask the dalmatian if you can play "Connect the Dots." Don't discuss international politics with the Siberian Husky, or make jokes around the Greyhound. The Saint Bernard does not find it funny if you ask for his blessing. And most importantly, unless you schedule is clear for a week ... yeah? Don't say "yes" when the Lab asks you to play with that ball with him!

Jasper wasn't used to dealing with snowstorms before winter, let alone before Halloween...

"There's nothing like dog-walking for making new friends...."

"Yes, he’s very excited to meet your Fifi."

"I borrowed it from my neighbor, he's a big tennis guy."

It's time to treat your dog to Le Bon Chien.

"Once I finish obedience school, I plan to stray around Europe for a year."

"They know me here."

Ask Sadie. My wife and I are getting a puppy soon. Any training tips? - Jay and Emily, Charlotte, NC. Sent from my iPad. Oh yes. A tip: Have him poop on your @#$% iPad, you high-tech boobs! Irrelevant and gratuitous. Sent from my lungs. You need the toothbrush app.

"Bad dog!"

What the hell do they mean, that's a hundred and twelve to you and me.