Puppy Paperwork Pro Pillows

Dog licences - 'A Chihuahua, eh? Can you prove that he's in this country legally?'

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

"Hello? Is that the canine help line?...."

"You can't plead cute."

Marv was trying to teach Rufus how to be a REAL retriever.

'I want a dog who will fetch my things, so don't sell me one that drools.'

'I understand you don't have a resume but you do have your pedigree papers?'

"Great - Now what would be the second thing you'd do if you had opposable thumbs?"

Four Star Meal

'Oh my God, dog biscuits are down!'

dog-come ingo out boxes

'Here is the lead-based paint information, Fair Housing criteria, laws regarding tobacco use outdoors slip-and-fall warning, and barring any further public hysteria, the lease itself.'

' Emergency Pet Hospital? My Basset Hound got into my husband's Viagara...'

'I don't care how much you interfaced, interacted, coordinated, arranged, or organized in the past. Just tell me how many prenups you've worked on.'

'Adopt a policy.'

Remember, he's simple - It's not WHAT you bark at him, it's the TONE you use when you bark at him.

"Once I finish obedience school, I plan to stray around Europe for a year."

Crumpled pieces of paper form the shape of a Christmas tree.

Warrants.

Ask Sadie. My wife and I are getting a puppy soon. Any training tips? - Jay and Emily, Charlotte, NC. Sent from my iPad. Oh yes. A tip: Have him poop on your @#$% iPad, you high-tech boobs! Irrelevant and gratuitous. Sent from my lungs. You need the toothbrush app.

"While your resumé said one thing it's come to our attention that labradors actually shed quite a bit."

'Oh, so you do keep track of where you bury things.'

"Who's a good witness."

"Nobody seconds, now sit down and shut up."

"OK, ten minute break. Stretch your legs, lap some water, nibble some chow..."

"When the time is right I intend to lead a canine revolution that will bring about a new world order. Until then I'm just hanging around acting cute."

'It's the closest thing dogs have to blogging.'

"We go on daily walks too, but my master is a creature of habit: we take exactly the same route every single time..."

'Keep looking, nerd, keep looking.'

Rex talks about his life goals.

'Where do you see yourself in 35 years?'

Fighting corruption

'We had planned to wait until Bowzer finished obedience school, then I came into heat.'