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'No, I said 'sit'.'

"I want him to have the serenity to accept the things he can't pee on, the patience to pee on the things he can outside, and the wisdom to know the difference." "But I'll probably just take him to a trainer."

"Sometimes ... I just want to run away."

Dog yoga

'As it's your first day we're going to start you on something easy.'

Bathing the dog

'He rides in the car with his head out the window a lot.'

"I know we've had our differences in the past but if you scratch behind my ears I'll show you where the catnip is kept."

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

"My owner is teaching me to think before barking, which gave Federal Express plenty of time to clobber me."

"Wow, what a DILF."

'Hey Winston, this is my dad. He's obsessed with sitting.'

Balloon dog training

'I understand you don't have a resume but you do have your pedigree papers?'

'Going to Puppy School is so old fashioned Dad: I can do the course through open learning now...'

"He's obedient as long as my requests align with his internal moral imperatives."

"We've known each other for years Bob, and this grooming style suited you when you were young, but it's time to let it go!"

'I signed him up in obedience school, but all he did was play hooky.'

'I don't know what it is, doc. I think I'm having a nervous breakdown.'

Dog next to sign that says, 'Beware of Dog's Feelings'.

'You're allowed up on the couch.'

"Yes, you're definitely a good boy. Your only fault may be that you care too much."

"It isn't quite how I pictured it, either."

"Murchison’s theory is that it’s dog hair in your fuel line.”

'You know it's time to bath the dog when he starts to smell like a gym bag!'

Lion with hair straighteners.

'I'm still trying to decide if I should join the workforce or get my masters in staying.'

Bad Dog!

Lady in fur coat to dog: 'Your fur looks like you slept in it.'

Discipline at Doggy School

Clumping and Non-Clumping Cat Litter

'...and, we have with us today, a veterinarian...

'It's a wonderful new drug...a sort of injectable garlic.'

Remember, he's simple - It's not WHAT you bark at him, it's the TONE you use when you bark at him.

...or how about this gorgeous little puppy ma'am? He's a Labrador Collie cross.