Pup Diplomat T-Shirts

"Three yummies, a pat on the head, and a 'Good doggy.' That's my client's final offer."

Growl - Hiss Conflict Resolution Meeting

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

"Look, he just wants to apologize for scaring the daylights out of you yesterday. ... Mr. Squirrel? ..."

'We can't go on meeting like this'.

'Change is inevitable, espeically when you have a newborn in diapers."

"Your credentials are impressive, Carter but... quite frankly, Mr. Biggles doesn't seem to like you."

"Sorry, that was just the wet diaper talking."

'Please forgive me for anything I've said or left unsaid.'

'Our basic package is no frills, no chew toys, no extra Kibbles, and narry a pat on the head from management...'

'I've been depressed ever since PBS said pigs are smarter than dogs!'

"Forget George, he scarfs down everything in sight. Aunt Rose and Grandma are good for slipping us a slice. Most important, the kids are sloppy. We're bound to find some juicy scraps under their chairs. Stay alert!"

Landing That Tough Account

"I don’t see how confirming who I like best will help this situation."

"Here's another fine mess you've gotten us into."

'It's Always 'Good Dog'—Never 'Great Dog.'

"After all the trouble I've been in lately, I decided to hire a PR firm to repair my image."

'A listener from Ridgeway asks, 'When visiting a friend, is it improper to drink out of the toilet unless asked first?' Good question...'

'A Telegram, M'Lord.'

'Don't forget to talk about their dog!'

'Okay, let's negotiate. Just how good do I have to be?'

'Oh, yes, you will get off!'

"I'm about ready to forgive the French."

'You can't charm me out of this chair.'

'If I eat three more pieces of meat and three more spoonfuls of peas, I want three puddings after!'

"Wow, interesting, looks like she's not just being mean: research shows that chocolate is actually bad for us. . ."

"It was humiliating! First, he told me to beg and then he wanted me to roll over and pretend I was dead...so, I bit him!"

Bipartisan.

Good duck, bad duck.

"I hear the food's good. But try to get a table."

"There's nothing like dog-walking for making new friends...."

Advantages of Growing Older

Cat thrusts note through mousehole that reads 'Can't we talk about this?'