Punter In Need Pillows

'Twenty quid will be great, I'll give you it back on Thursday when I get my Giro.'

"I never accomplish the impossible, if I did it would become an expectation."

-Sorry about yesterday, I was ill! -You didn't look ill when I saw you at the races! -You didn't see me after the fifth leg!

Kick Me! (sign on an anthropomorphized soccer ball)

"Igor, you fool! I said 'healthy brain'!"

"No, I'm not a hare, I just happen to have big ears..."

'Hopefully this will not have a negative impact on my dinner.'

'The blooming thing took a wrong turn off the course.'

'What he lacks in speed he gains in nose.'

'If you want to improve your golf score, the best wood to use is a pencil with an eraser.'

'My mom says an apple a day keeps the physician's assistant away.'

'Hey, Lady, this is a sixty zone!'

'Ere Bert, what do I do with a lady who wants an each way bet on the boat race?'

Headstone in bird cage, "We really loved our budgie.."

Saloon Selectives

A Good Bet.

Surfin' the web.

"We did the sequel, we did the prequel. There's only one option left: zombies."

"We can patch 'em, but you'd have to settle for half-decent intentions."

'Do you think it takes 10p?'

'What's the odds on Cheltenham going ahead?'

'I have a rasp in my throat.'

Dolphin at bar - 'I'm in disguise'

Timmy Gets Solitary.

'Look, I don't know what repulsive smelly thing I just ate, but I know what I like.'

Football will be penalised...

'I hope you get an ice cream headache!'

'I bet I can tell you the score before the game starts. Nil-nil.'

-You seem certain he'll win the second race! -Yes, because he's in the FIRST race!

Granny's Old Tyme Prostitute Chocolate Chip Cookies

"Heel."

Gambler And Umpire

Keep Your End Up

Donkey Fights

'Racing form on wall' -"Thunder lad is the only horse with a chance.. I've been following him all season."