Pun Lover In Business Pillows

"I keep feeling we should float the company"

"Yes. I said 2 by 2, but you needed to use 2 by 4s for the Ark...begin again."

"Ironically, this is the living room."

"Staff support"

Copycats

Zombie standup

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal."

Guy at drink stand says to Medium: 'Medium?'

'You've got bats alright...now we'll just have to determine what kind.'

CSI: Mother Goose Unit...'Hmmm...I'm beginning to suspect that perhaps mister Dumpty's demise wasn't simply a tragic accident.'

"You're going to hate yourself."

'A burp or a fart, I can excuse, but throwing up a pellet of fur and bones? That's gross dude!'

Boneheads! I never said I was bringing ten condiments!

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

Zoology Class. Test Today. What did you get for the question about Fuzzy Wuzzy?

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

"Don't flutter your little wings on company time."

"He's having a hard time finding work."

"Monsieur, si vous plaît. I'm sure I ordered the fusilli and not the Fusilier."

"Oh, stop it. You are not at all obtuse." Complimentary angles make the other angles feel good about themselves.

'Have you tried pulling the udders?'

'It appears he hit an iceberg.' (A LETTUCE)

Assault 'n' Vinegar

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Special: Scrabbled Eggs. No, sir, it's not a misprint -- Ernie adds alphabet soup.

'Before I order breakfast, which way is it to the 'International Bathroom of Pancakes'?'

"Are your eel rolls electric?"

"Four years of dental school only to tell all my patients 'Don't worry about any tooth issues - they'll just fall out and be replaced, anyway'."

Backfire

'We live in difficult times. These underwear don't help one bit.'

"You do realize I'm going to have to bill you for ten?"

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

"Excuse me, I'm here to do some sole searching."

Cut Price

"That's it. We’re toast."