Pulpit Percolators Pillows

"For those of you visiting our church for the first time just raise your hand and our ushers will refresh your coffee."

Florabation - '..mmm...It must be spring!'

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

Thou Shalt Not!

'What do you mean I don't take time to smell the flowers?'

'I made a Valentine's Day card for you. The school has no art supplies so I wrote the color in.'

No Mow May

"I just don't get it! Why don't humans protect us? Don't they know they would be doomed without us?"

Employee of the month...

'We are gathered here...'

Regular Sermons - Fire & Brimstone Sermons

Garage Sale (sign originally read 'Garbage' sale).

'I knew the day would come when we'd regret moving next door to a genetic research facility.'

"I'm not all you can eat? But I brought my special plate!"

Aberdeen Smoking the Pipe of Peace - Aberdeen and France at War with Russia

Wall St Baptist: 'Life is exactly like the stock market exchange and we each have our own portfolio to manage.'

Chruch member about preacher: 'Pastor Woodsley has old fashioned power point.'

"I'm fine. It's coffee."

"Do we not come to this Redemption Center because we have refund value? Yes! But do not think you are worth but one nickel for that would be 'soft moralizing'."

'Single-use' - Word of the year 2018

"When is it time to stop smelling the roses and suck up the nectar?"

"Your new book, 'Help - My Head's Caught in a Pipe,' has been called by some to be semi-autobiographical. Can you comment on these rumors?"

Matins 10 AM Open Pulpit

The Hummingbird

Commuter doing some gardening on the train

Look at all the pretty flowers....Neonicotinoids.

"Bretheren and Sistern out there in Congregational Land!"

'All that smoking has stunted your growth.'

"A lot of voter's will be floating today."

'Mom, it's doing it again'

Garbage is a collector's item.

'Here's your room... Just put your sample in here and buzz me when you're ready.'

"I'm the owner of Happy Pappy's comedy club. Here's my card. Call me."

Harold Wilson

Priest and mobile