Puck Ponderer Gifts

'How long have you felt this need to protect the net'

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

"According to mom the answers are all in this book!" "Too bad there's no pictures at which to look!"

"I'm in a catch-23 situation."

"See this jelly wobbling. It was waving goodbye."

'Or we could just ask her what kind of dog it is.'

'I do a lot of icing. It's part of my mellowness.'

'Wait a minute! What if this isn't just a puddle?! What if it's a huge, furious hibernating snowman?'

"Actually, it wasn't so bad. One minute I was standing in line at the slaughterhouse...The next thing I knew, I was being basted in my own juices..."

"If He didn't want us to eat it, why'd He wrap the whole thing in bacon?"

'Lungs, normal. Heart, normal. Kidneys, normal. For the life of me, I can't figure out where your pain is coming... wait. Do you play hockey?'

Thinking and thinking backwards.

How do you fell about buying your own health insurance?

'The team we're playing tonight is good 'cause I heard they know how to turn and stop!'

'It's a real conundrum. Not sure if I should open it, or beat it.'

'The hippiest dryads were often farouche.'

"Is there a God?"

Answers to last week's brain-teasers

'When they start calling you a splendid bird, you know you're in trouble.'

'That's from the last year the data was available.'

'No, I'm not into astronomy. That telescope is for you to see your new parking spot.'

"Yes, there will be questions but you're unquestionably the nation's most badass mom."

Bizarre sights.

Left and Right: Please be consistent.

"Who's next?"

"Hang on - I've forgotten the question!"

"You know what your problem is? You think too much."

Elevator dilemma.

Dr. Rontgens shadow.

Cartoon heading in the right direction.

Man imagines his pregnant partner as an impossible bottle.

Quick Crossword.

His Other Shtick

'We don't have a health plan, but we have a very nice cemetery right out in the churchyard.'