Puck Flinging Fanatic Pillows

'I do a lot of icing. It's part of my mellowness.'

Hockey Season.

'He migrates through every year about this time. Just sits there and watches. We leave him alone and he leaves us alone...'

'Please stop crying into your beer - It's watered down enough!'

"I'm taking a gap year and then getting my Master's in Fetching and Staying."

'The team we're playing tonight is good 'cause I heard they know how to turn and stop!'

Stand-up comedy while you're away at work. 'What's the deal with fetching? ...And they expect you to run and go get it, so why did they throw it in the first place?' 'Ha! Ha! It's funny because it's true!'

'Where the Deer and the Antelope play and veterinary dental bills are high.'

'According to my count, he sticked 23, gloved 18 and ate 5.'

'He's got one more minute alone in the penalty box with my mother.'

His Other Shtick

"Hold on, the puck is coming this way."

'Big turnover at center ice! Mmm...looks delicious.'

"Just so you know, despite the horrifying beating you're about to receive, I'm actually a pretty good hockey player."

'Hello, 911?'

Practicing Defensive Medicine

'Would you like me to check your coat?'

"Prozzac"

"Very interesting. But nowhere in your rhetoric was there a clue as to when we'll see the return of the NHL!"

Skate! Skate! Skate!

"He should've passed the puck."

'Puck!'

I hope we don't settle until after the hockey finals.

'Going into sudden death overtime is serious business with these teams.'

Hockey player with dollar sign "It was in his contract."

"I never have a starter. That way I have room for 3 puddings!"

The squirrels were serious about winning the pond hockey tournament this year...

'A meeting of the 'Bandy' association for the promotion of 'Hockey on the ice.''

Canadian Camping

'Yeah. I used to get a lot of 'timeouts' as a kid, too.'