Pubs And Cafes T-Shirts

'Do you have any denture friendly sandwiches?'

"This place has the best happy hour."

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

We're here at House of Java cafe at an all-too-familiar scene. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Tommy Jones, a local boy, has been caught stealing a scone. A minor offense? Not to the cafe's proprietor. He's demanding the boy be sentenced as an adult. But I'm eight! Wahhh! Add a year to the sentence for whining and crying.

Like, Latte. So that's a vanilla almond with soy, extra foam, whipped cream, nutmeg, and caramel. Leave room for coffee?

"Who ordered the double chocolate parfait with a cherry on top?"

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

5pm Happy Hour. 6pm discussion: what is true happiness?

'Well, gotta get up early and start drinking again.'

Wifi in Hell

Today's special... donuts.

What nationality were your parents? North or south Poles?

Victoria's pre-marriage questionnaire continues...'Can I get input from the guys at the bar on this one?'

Joe's Kaff for Dinners! And Afters Too!

Best Before 5th Pint.

'What sort of wines do you like?' ... 'Powerful ones!'

'Which wine goes best with 'the old man and the sea'?'

'Excuse me, but do you have a decaffeinated baristo?'

Beer Stall

Drink for me and my hot mamma. Now! We don't serve beer. Latte. Two, punk! Decaf. You don't want to see him angry. Also, low-foam and soy milk would be great. You don't want to see him gassy. Can I get one of those little Twizzler sticks to stir it with? Cube of brown sugar, please. And one nonfat blueberry scone! Two! I'd like to see how John Wayne would've ordered a fancy coffee drink.

"Your soup is delicious. The broth perfectly compliments the font."

"I've got a bad feeling about this."

'Of course I'm out of touch with reality. That's what I came here for.'

Beers

Joe's 'Take Responsibility For Your Own Actions' Bar.

"An everything Martini, please."

'Gimme a Canadian club on the rocks!'

'I know it's gassy...'

Wasting away again in Cappuccinoville.

"Them's cat-fightin' words, Arlin!"

Hats and Food

"A sentimental journey of a thousand miles begins with the first martini."

"It's kind of sweet when they're all settled in like this."

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

'We don't know which gate flight 311 to Denver is boarding. These are the menus.'