Public Image Enthusiast Gifts

"We need to think about raising your profile ..."

"If I'm coming across as shallow, uncaring and egocentric, talk to my image manager."

'The baby took some cellphone pictures of you napping!'

Seminar: Find Someone Cool to Imitate.

"Hey, great ab!"

"Great. Now I have to worry about my weight."

'It doesn't matter if you win or lose: it's how much face time you can generate on the 6 o'clock news.'

"It's my self-portrait. Obviously."

'He's not finished his media training!'

'Nobody likes me at school. I need a personal assistant, a trainer and a P.R. firm!'

Breast Feeding in Public

"Feeling like a skinny person living in a fat person's body is actually quite normal."

"Your career needs a jumpstart. Rehab is pass?. How about 3 weeks in prison?"

'He wants to look slightly mysterious and menacing.'

Age is a matter of perspective.

Frank integrates the modern, poll-driven, finger-in-the-wind brand of politics into his parenting style.

"Go forth and get me a PR consultant."

'Doc says I'm in ship-shape.'

"Congratulations! It's publicity..."

'Sorry I had the liposuction machine on blow instead of suck.'

"I'm supposed to warn you of the perils of being your own attorney...but I can't do it with a straight face."

'Ick! -- I'd never vote for anybody with hair like THAT!'

"His publicist said he died peacefully. And now, a word from our sponsor, a publicist looking for a new client."

"OK, gotta go...hey, why is everyone at my table singing the Hallelujah chorus?"

Man at Image Inc: 'I've been typecast as a fat, bald white guy- what can you do for me?'

She's gone - you can stop holding it in.

My thighs touch because they in love

Sigh - '' - 'Waaaaah!' - '' - 'Hey! I'm not that fat!!!' - '' -

"I can't wear that hat. I have to protect my product."

"Please stop talking to the media, Doctor. It's my job to make any rash statements."

'If he takes a shine to you, you'll come out looking like his wife. If not - one of his exes.'

'I'm sorry. we don't do face transplants for general ugliness.'

"This seat is reserved for the rest of my legs."

'Frankly, I've never left the country because of my lousy passport photo.'

"I don't mind making mistakes as long as no one else knows any better!"