Public Discourse Gifts

Sally Jessy Raphael

Ask Sadie™. Dear Irresponsible Sadie: Last week you said riots are the natural response to police brutality. How dare you excuse looting and property damage and violence!!!! By excusing riots, you are contributing to the cycle violence. You have a public platform and with that comes responsibility. You, Sadie, have A LOT to learn!!! -Disappointed in Delaware. You need to learn the difference between an explanation and "excuse," you condescending, insufferable Troglodyte! I mean ... thank you fo

Sen. Krupt. I don't tell constituents that we're fueling inflation. I say we're protecting consumers and thanks to us they won't have to worry about buying any cheap stuff.

Petition to ban petitions from outside this market.

A Puppet Named Juan

'You forget, I'm a blackbelt in powerpoint.'

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

"Oh, I'll be bi-partisan alright, punishing both sides of the aisle."

"It seems my fear of death has been replaced by my fear of politics."

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

They hated me.

"You're losing the audience. Switch to the Powerpoint presentation."

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

Now leaving designated Free Speech Zone. Shut it!

Hey, calm down --- Now, what did you say again?

'Whoever said 'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself' never had a room full of angry shareholders.'

'I have a plan 'B' but that's also dependent on a working projector bulb.'

"How's everybody doing? I'm not boring you, am I?"

Campaign for Plain English

Meet Stephen Krkzk Author of 'Why Conspiracy Theories Are Nonsense'

'I'm Jeremy's father. I'm a computer consultant and I'm unemployed.'

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

Can't Do the Math/Won't Do the Math.

"How long will we, the descendants of wolves, be content with table scraps and belly rubs?"

Open mike night presents Sadie Cohen. Summer's almost over

Clown teaches how to speak Jibberish

"Tonight! Author book signing." "Develop your inner raging bitch."

'His best qualities are circumventing questions and evading answers.'

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

Inclusive speech

"I'm voting for Stephen because I cannot stand Katie's mother, she is so catty! Anyway-- how're your parents doing with the divorce?"

'When I grow up, I'm either going to be an authority figure or an unimpeachable source.'

"Class of 2008, never let the excuse 'I can't find my pants' stand in the way of your dreams."

"I had a fear of speaking in front of people, which is why I shadow puppet and sing the lessons."