Pub Visits T-Shirts

"This place has the best happy hour."

'Bitter.' 'Anything else?' 'Yea - twisted.'

'No doubt about it, THIS is the most beautiful time of the day!'

"I get confused. When someone says, 'have you no shame?', is the proper answer 'yes' or 'no'?"

"C'mon, speed it up!"

"It's from the local micro brewery..."

'I knew we should have moved to Oregon years ago.'

'One of these Men's wives has just discovered that you can use 180 kcalories making love.'

'This beer is awful. I'll be glad when I've had enough.'

Goldie Locks and the three beers.

Whitbreads Drunkard Beer

'We can't go on knocking it back like this - one of us must give it up, won't you!'

Man in pub reads book: The Joy of Cigs.

"Sorry mate you're not ugly enough to drink gallstone's keg bitter"

'You shouldn't knock them back so quickly.'

'In the eventuality of a double dip...'

'Just too many choices.'

To tell you the truth, I find it hard to be sympathetic for the plight of the beer vampire.

The Ventriloquist's Arms

You said you wanted beer with hops !

"24 hour service. Yes, that's how long it takes us to prepare your pub lunch."

Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

"Not coming in for a pint and a pie, Geoff?"

Driven To Drink

"It's a lovingly handcrafted beer, citra and summit hopped, with notes of lime, passion fruit and ...."

Dutch Courage

"How did you get to be a stuntman..?"

Beer Recycling Centre

"I tried being myself, but it wasn't getting me anywhere."

"I'm living proof that life begins at forty-three."

"Actually, right now I'm in retox."

"I was once a very beautiful woman, but forty years of reading the 'Times' has taken its toll."

"Forget it, Shamus, you won't find any truffles hanging around this dump."

Going to the pub with kids...

Buy one beer, get one free. If I may paraphrase a famous quote, "Beer is proof that God has mixed feelings about us and wants us to be hungover."