Pub Philosopher Pillows

ONE HORSE TOWN

"He's a curmudgeon now, but he used to be just a mean old bastard."

"They've raised the bar at work, too."

'Drugs...I've never seen the point of them myself!'

"Fascinating!"

'If there's one thing I can't stand it's nit-picking pedantry.' 'That's two things.'

"I don't vote. They've got machines that do that now."

'To enablers!'

'I pick fights when I get drunk.'

'Ninety-nine percent of lawyers give the rest of us a bad name.'

"I finally feel I can accept the things I'm too lazy to change."

Barrister 'at the bar' serving beer

"B negative, and make it a double."

"Sure, you're disappointed - but, hey, it's not like it's the end of the world."

'Why do you drink so much?' 'I forgot!'

Drunken slob to woman at bar, "...if you want my body and you think I'm sexy..."

'It's not worth worrying about. There's nothing you can do about it. No two quarks in a small region can occupy the same quantum-mechanical state.'

'Ever miss that feeling of being out of control?'

"Do you want a drink or do you need a drink ? We're very busy...."

...but enough about me. Ever played any rugby yourself?

Nice guy. It's just that once you get him started, you can't shut him up.

"I guess we'll all just have to vote a little bit harder next time."

Body by Jake

"I love our litte chats, Jack, but you've got to start drinking again."

'The way I got it doped out, post-modern man is all context and fragment.'

'I am such a loser!' 'You're overreacting. Lots of people have never won the lottery.'

'My wife thinks I should go into therapy to find out why I think I don't need it.'

"My position is very simple. I prefer not knowing whether a person is gay or Irish."

"I hope his dark side is more interesting."

'When I drink, I don't drive. I stay right here where it's safe and cozy.'

"My body is a temple... unfortunately it's in ruins"

'No Mr Moss, 'Alcoholic Poisoning' doesn't mean that pork pie you had with your 12 pints of lager was 'a bit iffy'!'

"I want my bubble back."

Britain's Binge Drinking Culture

"Everytime I use my name as my password I get hacked. Maybe I should change my name. Or, change my password."