Psychologist Humor Gifts

Sensory confusion syndrome.

'...I already have 26 cats, why not 27...'

'You've got bats alright...now we'll just have to determine what kind.'

Some scents are nonsense.

T-Shirt reads: 'Out of mind, I won't be back.'

'If you don't notice an improvement after a few weeks, we can try a different cone.'

'Look at you. You're a basket case.'

"Now, let’s talk about your attachment issues."

"I owe all my success to the psychiatrist who gave me the word GREED as my mantra!"

'Do you know how much it cost me to LEARN all this psychobabble?'

"Legally, I have the right to talk as slowly and boringly about all your options as I want."

Man Gives Computer Therapy/

'I wonder if you'd go out with me. I've always wanted to go to couples therapy.'

“Children hate me.”

'Whatever it is, I didn't do it.'

'Actually, I'm a placebo psychiatrist.'

Corporate Lawyers

"Therapist: Six couches no waiting"

Bob's mother drove him crazy - but at least she came to visit.

"YOUR mother? - Let me tell you about MY mother...."

Fakir Shrink.

"Every now and then, I get an overpowering urge to wear a cowbell."

'You seem pretty wound up today.'

Psychobabble.

"So, Michael, any pesticidal thoughts today?"

Shrink's Summer Job

"You only said clean up anything we spill. I threw that."

"I don't feel like I'm making any progress, it's like I'm just chasing my tail again."

Are you getting enough "me" time, Al? Oh, more than enough, Doctor

'I've been having a lot of out of potty experiences, lately.'

'Your case is extremely interesting...and I would like to get it produced...it will be a comedy.'

Therapist giggling behind patient's back.

'Miss Caldwell, call security and send in the kleptomaniac.'

'Here is my proposal for making our department more efficient. It contains some of my best cognitive distortions.'

'Well - the layman's terminology for your condition is 'nutty as an acorn''