Psychologist Humor Gifts

Sensory confusion syndrome.

'...I already have 26 cats, why not 27...'

'You've got bats alright...now we'll just have to determine what kind.'

Some scents are nonsense.

T-Shirt reads: 'Out of mind, I won't be back.'

'Look at you. You're a basket case.'

'Do you know how much it cost me to LEARN all this psychobabble?'

"I owe all my success to the psychiatrist who gave me the word GREED as my mantra!"

"Now, let’s talk about your attachment issues."

'If you don't notice an improvement after a few weeks, we can try a different cone.'

"Legally, I have the right to talk as slowly and boringly about all your options as I want."

“Children hate me.”

Man Gives Computer Therapy/

'I wonder if you'd go out with me. I've always wanted to go to couples therapy.'

'Whatever it is, I didn't do it.'

'Actually, I'm a placebo psychiatrist.'

Corporate Lawyers

"YOUR mother? - Let me tell you about MY mother...."

Bob's mother drove him crazy - but at least she came to visit.

Fakir Shrink.

"So, Michael, any pesticidal thoughts today?"

'You seem pretty wound up today.'

"Every now and then, I get an overpowering urge to wear a cowbell."

"Therapist: Six couches no waiting"

Psychobabble.

Shrink's Summer Job

"You only said clean up anything we spill. I threw that."

"I don't feel like I'm making any progress, it's like I'm just chasing my tail again."

Therapist giggling behind patient's back.

'Here is my proposal for making our department more efficient. It contains some of my best cognitive distortions.'

'Miss Caldwell, call security and send in the kleptomaniac.'

'Your case is extremely interesting...and I would like to get it produced...it will be a comedy.'

'Well - the layman's terminology for your condition is 'nutty as an acorn''

"Everything points to your having a mid-death crisis."