Psychiatry Buffs Pillows

'Since I've been identifying with you, I've been appointed director of the Millwood Psychiatric Institute.'

Adult Courses. It's so hard keeping the information from different classes separate! I'm talking film history and psychology. I failed a test because I said a "psychopath" is the walkway Norman Bates took home. I also confused geography and aeronautics. I said the "great plains" are located at an Air Force testing base in the California desert. My worst nightmare was confusing the thinks ti learned in driver's education and statistics. But at least I now know it's driving where you must st

"I hope you are enjoying the walk..."

"And you're certain these are accidents?"

"I know it’s an issue, and we’re working on it in therapy."

'Look around, son. See if there's one you like. But remember: These are abandoned players, unwanted by their teams - so they might come with some psychological baggage.'

"Barking sometimes helps me relax. But then it drives the neighbors crazy."

"But can't I be feared and loved?"

"But if you cure my hypochondria I won't have any hobbies."

"It's a cage. It's gilded, and I love it."

"The bottle says that 'Extreme Hair Growth' is a rare side effect of this medication."

"Nobody ever asked about my mental health."

"I disagree — I think humans are funny."

"I'm more of a 'How Jen stays thin' person than a 'Why Jen won't let Brad alone' person."

Banana Split Personality

"We need to update your entire operating system."

"I have to rest. The 'check engine' light on my activity tracker just came on."

"Yet she never gains an ounce."

"And that's when the therapist suggested… exposure therapy!"

'I don't know...they all look like cows to me.'

'They took my Science Fair Award away. They said I ate too much fish, which is brainfood. So, it was like I was on mental steroids.'

'Occasionally the Dr. asks me to get real with people.'

"It's good you're avoiding radioactive pieces of your destroyed home planet that deprive you of your superpowers... but you should also watch the sodium."

"Am I sensing fear?"

Spindle Neurons

Pipe Smoker of the Year Awards.

'I screwed up royally!'

"I'm an oldest child trapped in the body of a middle child."

'On the plus side, I give my thanks this Thanksgiving that I'm not a turkey. On the minus side...'

"All a cat CAN do is strive for authenticity."

'The doctors all tell me that you have great medical insurance. They think your coverage might last through most of the tests that they have scheduled.'

"It's the cat doc, he scares me."

'Those fish-oil treatments doing your arthritis any good?'

Man with arrow in back - "We're going to run some tests to see if it's psychosomatic."

'It's just like any other doll except this one needs hours of therapy to work normally.'