Psychedelic Spirit Gifts

"He turned on, dropped out and never came back, it's 50 years since woodstock and he still thinks that's a mirror."

'I hate to be so skeptical, but I still think the seance business is a hoax!'

Guy at drink stand says to Medium: 'Medium?'

The Environmentalist

'Any minute now I'll be getting a headache.'

"Home depot."

"I forsee you will have a better chance of winning the lottery than growing your testicles back."

"The sweater you knit him will be thrown out in February."

Get crazy once in a while

"This paw has you meeting a lovely poodle, an enchantress who will win your heart... but look, here, this is telling me she's lousy with fleas."

Asking out a palm reader.

'Well if I'm so 'bloody useless' perhaps you'd better read the map!'

'... And this is Goldsmith, our futures consultant.'

Spiritualism: Meet the Authors.

'Oh, no - I have to read each tentacle - that'll be extra, of course.'

"You're solemates!"

"I'm not sure you'll want to know this."

"Tell her she's dead. I don't want to talk about the relationship."

"What is it? You're not wet or hungry. Mommy's not a mind reader. OK, I am, but I've never been very good at it."

Channelling on the Cheap

'Waiter, there's a Fly-Agaric in my soup.'

Using psychic powers, the final exam had been a breeze. However, Madame Evetta did not realize that the student in front of her from who she had obtained the majority of her answers, was Bugs Higgins.

Madame ZuZu. Dream Interpretation. Tarot. Palms. She says the dream where I'm taking a test naked means I barely made it through school.

'I can see a visit to the vet, but, oh my, no more kids after that!...'

'I see you in five years from now, you're still coming to see me. Do you want me to book the appointments in advance?'

'If I'd known these programs were going to be so fake - I'd be psychic!'

Pie Filling Reader

Madame Lucille - Fortune Teller 'I predict the future'.

"Finally, Miss Big-Shot calls her dead mother!"

Card Reader in PC Supplies Store.

Psychic to Leylandii tree - 'You will reach great heights.'

'You're going on a long journey. Have you got an OAP's bus pass?'

"He says he's been sending you messages from beyond the grave but it's possible they're going straight into your junk folder."

..and with our new spirit website you can keep in touch with all your dead friends!

"I used to be a medium, but now I'm a large."