Protector Of The Night T-Shirts

'After we find the burglar, Dad, let's have a midnight snack!'

'That'll teach the pesky python to be greedy and eat all my chickens!'

'I just finished the floors, so they better stay clean!'

"Sorry kid, I work alone."

'...and now, Doctor, if you have satisfactorily disinfected your hands,...

'I'm sorry young lady, but you're not old enough to be free range!'

Policeman talking to lost child

'The fence is to keep the public away - otherwise our pictures won't last five minutes.'

Nun confronts mugger.

"Trust me, with me in charge, your kid will behave and be safe..."

Overprotective Father

'She thinks of them as her children...'

'Be careful, I hear he kills cats.'

"Ralphie, no! Not on my Kindle!"

'Before you buy the gun can I ask if you thought about taking your cat to the vets first?'

"We're not getting a dog because I don't invest in non-profit ventures."

"At least we don't have to worry about intruders now we have a dog."

Thinking about TV.

'Jeckers, when I was a student we commonly at poultry...

"Even more dangerous than crossing the road is being undercooked."

'Sorry, my dog says no landlords allowed!'

'Drop the can opener!'

Rabbits $5.

Finance Company.

Don

"Here's Mommy now!"

Rescuing the Fish in the Flood

"You don't want me. I've got bird flu!"

"Hon, I'm worried. She's been out there somewhere for 3 hours."

"Don't worry! I'm a very experienced babysitter."

'I want a heavy padlock and two dead bolts on the door.'

The Vigil

Police artist drawing a snarling dog while a injured cat desribes him

Lost.

"Who made this mess?"