Prosecution Pillows

"While my client was not victorious in proving his innocence today, I hope you'll join me in a round of applause for one heck of an effort."

Trial by Media

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

"Your Honor, we're going to go with the prosecution's spin."

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

'We subpoenaed all of 'Mr. Big's' electronic messages. They're in morse code.'

Supreme Court. It's either constitutional or unconstitutional - We don't use a scale of one to ten!

"Do you have a good attorney or a bad attorney?"

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

"Have you, or any of your acquaintances, ever been described as 'frolicsome'?"

"Bob & Sue 2011" "Sued Bob 2011"

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

"I've learned something in this trial. My firm needs to hire that prosecutor."

"Never mind what I did, Your Honor. I want to be judged for who I am, as an individual."

Prosecution bears the burden of proof. Defense bears the burden of twisting and distorting said proof.

"The prosecution shall stop referring to the defendant as 'the alleged, totally guilty as sin guy'."

'You can't reject my manuscript without due process!'

"Well, heck! If all you smart cookies agree, who am I to dissent?"

"I'm sorry, sir, but I've got to ask you another question. I heard someone in the courtroom shout out the correct answer."

"Objection! Pummelling the witness."

"Dave here, is a lawyer. But don't be too impressed, he only specialises in petty crime."

'Your mom is probably watching. Go for the jugular.'

"Mr. Pope, please give this summons to your boss. The prosecutor wants to know how god can allow so much misery."

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

"I must protest, M'Lud. Prosecurity counsel is blantantly attempting to wheedle the truth from the accused."

"Before the defense rests, my client would like to read you a little sonnet he composed about his love for the jury."

"Permission To Treat Prosecutor as Hostile, Your Honor?"

Sue The Bastards

"I'm not leading the witness; I'm winding up my segment on heinous crimes!"

"And I put it to you Mr. MacDonald, that on the morning of December 3rd, you had cold hands whilst attaching a milking machine to my client's udder!"

"Better that a hundred guilty men go free than one innocent man be convicted, right?"

"'Season's Greetings' looks O.K. to me. Let's run it by the legal department."