Prosecutor Pillows

"How did this case ever get so far?"

"It's what I do."

"No, I can't explain it. He was alive when I buried him."

"Never mind what I did, Your Honor. I want to be judged for who I am, as an individual."

"At first I was the aggressor but as he got the upper hand it became clear I was the victim."

"A unique and stirring plea, counselor."

"You've been charged with driving under the influence of testosterone."

Hearsay evidence.

"Don't make me come down there."

Closing arguments.

"Oh-oh, we're in trouble!"

Prosecutor trying to link parking tickets and library fines with gangland killings.

"And today if the prosecutor says 'Liar, liar, pants on fire,' do not turn around to check."

'Next time the prosecutor shows you pictures of the crime scene, try not to blurt out, ‘Been there, done that.''

He was good. Real good.

Prosecution bears the burden of proof. Defense bears the burden of twisting and distorting said proof.

"Objection, Your Honor! The prosecution is combining dog years and people years in a callous and deliberate attempt to confuse the witness."

'Do you honestly expect this court to believe, Mr. Chicken, that your only reason for crossing the road, on the night in question, was to get to the other side?'

"If she sings it's over."

With a sickening jolt, Mel realized the awful truth: he was being defended by a pair of court-appointed light-weights, against the sharpest prosecutors in the county.

'It doesn't look good! The prosecutor and the jury foreman are high-fiving.'

'The highest court in the land.'

Innocent bystanders are real tough to convict: 'You saw it happen, why didn't you do anything?'

"Isn't it true you were offered a special deal by the prosecutor, in exchange for your testimony?"

'...and that M'tud, concludes the case for the prosecution.'

'Ordinarily no two legal problems are alike. However, in your case...'

"I don't mind your acting as your own attorney, but would you please stop hopping on and off that damned chair?"

"This is a reluctant witness, your honor."

"The prosecution shall stop referring to the defendant as 'the alleged, totally guilty as sin guy'."

'The jury has sentenced you to death. The jury has also ruled that your lawyer was offensive, arrogant and irritating enough to hang with you.'

'You can't reject my manuscript without due process!'

"The People rest, Your Honor."

"Oh, he's quite a prosecutor, all right ? three of the jurors confessed."

Lady Justice wears a blindfold, but listens through headphones to a tape recorder on one of her scales.

"And now a little number that asks the musical question 'Do you recognize this meat cleaver?'"