Property Spotting Pillows

"Bloody estate spotters have been at it again!"

"I can't believe how great my life is now: We used to live in an apartment, but now, I have my own garden..."

Sign: 'Welcome to Fernbanks. Beneath our quaint Norman Rockwell-ish exterior beats a big-box chain store heart, ready to sell out at the drop of a hat.'

"You called me, boss?" "Yes, I overheard you talking to patrons about all the new planets we’ve found." "I want you to stop doing that." "At least until I’m done buying up as much of that real estate as I can. I don’t need any competitors driving up the prices." "Very bad man." "When the hipsters run out of cities to gentrify here, my properties on Gliese 581c are going to make a killing."

'For Sale by Neighbor'

"A little baking soda will get rid of the smell.

Realtors: 'We make house calls'.

Trainspotters a group of trainspotters outside a church taking down details of a Bride's wedding gown train

Mouse real estate!

An exaggeration of estate agents

'On the face of it, it sounds great that she left me her house, but it has gone stale and what Hansel and Gretel didn't eat the birds have had a go at.'

'What makes you think the basement leaks?'

'I need to tell Edgar...our house sold for a million two.'

"It's like a tiny house, but bigger."

'The owner would have shown you around himself, but he doesn't rise untill after sunset.'

'It looked a lot bigger in the photos.'

"You see a haunted house, I see a house with good bones."

'It seems good, and he said the bit at the bottom is the name of the architect.'

"And the bathroom has a water view...if you fill the tub."

'Floodplain close - House on stilts with ladder. Estate Agent saying, 'Welcome onto the property ladder...''

'A free goldfish with every house you buy!'

"The landlord has promised to sort out the damp problems."

UP Again: Housing Prices.

House for sale, appliances included (in the yard).

"To be honest, we were thinking of something like a Cape Cod."

"Like I told you Gladys: location, location, location."

"If a sixth borough opens up, I'll let you know."

'I need three estimates before I appoint an estate agent.' - 'Right, £120,000, £130,000 and £140,000.'

"Admittedly, it is a bit of a 'fixer upper'."

"This isn't a fixer upper. It's a down-and-outer."

For Sale By Owner

"This is a lovely three bedroom detached property, with close proximity to Heathrow and the M25!"

'I need to get a bigger place.'

Man with head in ground: 'I'm not burying my head in the sand, I'm doing the coal mining search myself.'

'Yes, there is a bidding war - but I'm almost certain you aren't allowed to take prisoners.'