Property Sleuth Pillows

House detective.

'Oh look, the tide is coming in.'

"A little baking soda will get rid of the smell.

'Well, the rent is a bit more expensive than usual because there are only 1 327 482 other tenants...'

Realtors: 'We make house calls'.

'We did have one property in your price range, but I'm afraid we sold it in 1943.'

'Don't worry. The first 30 years of being an inspector are the hardest.'

Starter Homes

"Obviously the price of this property is a reflection of it`s very desirable location."

'It looked a lot bigger in the photos.'

'A free goldfish with every house you buy!'

"The landlord has promised to sort out the damp problems."

House for sale, appliances included (in the yard).

'I see you have been mopping the floor while I was out. Are you doing this to be nice or disposing of evidence?'

"To be honest, we were thinking of something like a Cape Cod."

"This is a lovely three bedroom detached property, with close proximity to Heathrow and the M25!"

"If a sixth borough opens up, I'll let you know."

"If you look at Lexington Avenue, it is anyone's guess what's happening on the 6 train. Moving on to Broadway, I can tell you that the N and R Lines may or may not be running smoothly, while the Eighth Avenue A and C are, as always, a complete mystery."

New York City Santa with huge bag hails cab.

"It has tremendous possibilities."

"Did I mention it needed a little work?"

Real Estate Life

"Thinking of buying a larger property are we, Madam?"

House Hunters of the Old West

'There are no skeletons in the closets but you might have a bit of trouble with those in the back yard.'

Man in house with no roof on phone to estate agent: "Look, this house is unfinished. Please stop saying, 'It gets a lot of light'."

'We finally got a response to our House For Sale sign. The wind blew it down.'

'I'm sure a little baking soda will freshen it up in here.'

'You'll need to put these on before the inspection.'

"... And how long have you had this irrational fear that you'll never get a mortgage?"

'He speaks, but only on the advice of his attorney.'

'When you said view of park, you didn't say it was a CAR park!'

Whatever you're thinking of buying, we promise to make you feel slightly inferior.

"You want a cheap house in a nice neighborhood? -- Okay, why are you here really?"

“Can you show us something that will make our friends envious, but not too envious?”