Property Hunting Pillows

"It's just a ten-minute walk to much nicer apartments."

Estate agents jockeying for position with sale boards

'What - the whole house is flooded? Great! I take it!'

A house with a For Sale sign out in front that reads "Might be for sale".

Turtle checking out another shell.

House Hunters of the Old West

"This apartment ain't big enough for the both of us."

"I'm really looking for something with more space."

'An extinct volcano, disused nuclear bunker, or undersea cave - Anywhere within the commuter belt really.'

'I can appreciate your concerns darling, but it is within our price range!'

"Thinking of buying a larger property are we, Madam?"

"And it's in a 'fashionably rough area', only a stones throw from the nearest gang of yobs."

'They've got everything...one even has it's own shed.'

"I just love these new genetically - enhanced real estate agents!"

"You want a cheap house in a nice neighborhood? -- Okay, why are you here really?"

"Here's a one-bedroom in the heart of downtown with it's own dedicated parking spot, which can be reached by a convenient twenty-minute cab ride."

"Enough with how great the public schools are. Just tell us – is there a Trader Joe’s nearby?"

"Liable to flooding? Whatever gives you that idea sir?"

'We'll take it!'

Open House of Horrors

'Oh look, the tide is coming in.'

'Well, the rent is a bit more expensive than usual because there are only 1 327 482 other tenants...'

"A little baking soda will get rid of the smell.

Realtors: 'We make house calls'.

"Today on Escape to the Country Emily & Oliver are looking for that special little property in the Cotswolds. So what exactly's going to tick all their boxes?"

"I want to live in a neighborhood where I can walk around at night."

'We did have one property in your price range, but I'm afraid we sold it in 1943.'

'We do have a property in your price range, but we need a time machine to go back and visit it!'

'I see a carefree lifestyle by a quiet lake. No, wait, my mistake - looks like I called up the real estate section.'

'...and the property lies in a beautiful valley by the banks of the river...'

"The roof is old and leaks. The good news is when it rains you'll get an additional 3 showers."

'It is a huge property, originally built by a Condor: Perfect for a large family...'

Realty. Remember

"Well, it is a good property. The price is low because it is harder to negotiate due to its S-bend configuration."

"Darling, there's an offer for a time-share nest in Florida: Should we apply?"